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returntothepit >> discuss >> An appreciative missive for farting at work. by Alx_Casket on Nov 21,2011 2:33pm
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toggletoggle post by Alx_Casket  at Nov 21,2011 2:33pm edited Nov 21,2011 2:37pm
I was already letting them rip while holding up a clandestine ethic in my office in the AM hours at work. Then it was lunch time, and I didn't feel like going out into chinatown for cheap eats. Instead, I raided my work pantry and decided on a "Happy Monday? Fuck you" food choice:



It goes down easy and tastes pretty good. Not more than 20 minutes passes and I feel a slight gurgle in my bowels. Then another. All the while, metabolic chemical reactions producing both benign oxygen in addition to some putrid gases are occurring. I've done it again. I've unleashed the fucking Whole Foods 365 dragon. The onset of a universal choral ode to vegetarian food. My coworkers already think I'm weird for never eating in the break room and preferring to eat at my desk (internet > discussing weekend activities with those dolts), but now I'm positive that at least 4 of them have heard me rip ass from around the corner. They're mostly comprised of nurses, which leads me to wonder while intermittently passing wind, do they think I have some sort of farting disease? An hyperfunctioning lower intestine? This all brings me great joy. Fuck, I love farting. It really makes my day.

Sincerely,
Alx



toggletoggle post by FuckIsMySignature at Nov 21,2011 3:11pm
You should start building up a fart reserve in a box or jar something and then unleash at an appropriate (or inappropriate) time.



toggletoggle post by Yeti at Nov 21,2011 3:21pm
As Bowels Collapse - Fart Stench For the Co-workers



toggletoggle post by AndrewBastard  at Nov 21,2011 4:48pm
I'm pretty sure I have or am developing lactose intolerance...but I fucking LOVE cereal.

at least twice a week I eat 2-3 bowls of cereal in the morning at work (rice krispies, kix, honey bunches of oats...ya know..the good stuff)....and it takes a while...maybe like 3-5 hours but man when the gas hits...its fucking ridiculous.



toggletoggle post by AndrewBastard  at Nov 21,2011 4:48pm
and by ridiculous, i mean horrendous.



toggletoggle post by The_Reverend   at Nov 21,2011 4:52pm
I'm 100% glad I didn't just let hat fart out. It was all water when I sat on the toilet!



toggletoggle post by arilliusbm  at Nov 21,2011 4:56pm
tl;dr



toggletoggle post by FuckIsMySignature at Nov 21,2011 5:00pm
i just dropped a hiroshima level fart in my cube.

SMELLLZ BAAAAAAD



toggletoggle post by Yeti at Nov 21,2011 5:20pm
arilliusbm said[orig][quote]
tl;dr


only you could find a way to soil a perfectly good fart thread.



toggletoggle post by goatcatalyst   at Nov 21,2011 5:31pm
An honest, American fart thread



toggletoggle post by FuckIsMySignature at Nov 21,2011 5:33pm
this thread is against the law in pakistan



toggletoggle post by Pires at Nov 21,2011 5:42pm
Yeti said[orig][quote]
arilliusbm said[orig][quote]
tl;dr


only you could find a way to soil a perfectly good fart thread.


It'll only be a matter of time before he starts trolling this thread with his trolling shenanigans.



toggletoggle post by douchebag_patrol at Nov 21,2011 7:19pm



toggletoggle post by narkybark   at Nov 21,2011 7:26pm
I've discovered recently that garlic & cheese tortellini does it for it. It's noxious AND obnoxious.



toggletoggle post by Alx_Casket  at Dec 2,2011 4:28pm
Last few minutes at work before a week and a half vacation. Ripping ass with people in earshot.



toggletoggle post by posbleak   at Dec 2,2011 4:33pm
Those horrible silent ones are the best because then I can blame it on the temp in the next cube



toggletoggle post by Yeti at Dec 2,2011 5:21pm
this correlates with the "other peoples stench" thread, and i am certainly guilty of farting an astronomical amount at work, but at the very least fart stench is common in the office, and it's infinitely more bearable than rotting vagina cheese.



toggletoggle post by IllinoisEnemaBradness at Dec 3,2011 9:25am
One night I had hard boiled eggs, baked beans and bbq pork loins. My metabolism is mad slow, so it didn't hit until around noon the next day. I was in the basement of a law office troubleshooting a stupid tape drive not working. I thought the secretary was the only one in the office. WRONG. The head honcho lawyer was there and came down to talk to me after I had been ripping awful fumage for the better part of an hour. I heard him coming down the steps and ran over to the bottom of the stairs to try and head him off. He kept inching closer to the stench cloud. Then it hit him. His nose did a funky twitch and he backed up a few steps and hightailed it back upstairs. embarrassing it was



toggletoggle post by Alx_Casket  at Dec 20,2011 2:45pm
I've completed one of my professional goals today.
The seat of this office chair permanently smells like my farts. I can retire now, bachelor frog style.



toggletoggle post by bloblovesgirlfarts at Dec 20,2011 7:36pm
posbleak said[orig][quote]
Those horrible silent ones are the best because then I can blame it on the temp in the next cube


why have you not yet posted in the girl farts thread?

http://www.returntothepit.com/view.php?formid=78412



toggletoggle post by Alex_Mooney_likes_this at Mar 20,2013 3:40pm



toggletoggle post by AlexJonesCasket at Sep 26,2013 3:01pm
False Flag Fart Thread



toggletoggle post by RTTP matchup service at Sep 26,2013 3:06pm
Alx_Casket said[orig][quote]
I was already letting them rip while holding up a clandestine ethic in my office in the AM hours at work. Then it was lunch time, and I didn't feel like going out into chinatown for cheap eats. Instead, I raided my work pantry and decided on a "Happy Monday? Fuck you" food choice:



It goes down easy and tastes pretty good. Not more than 20 minutes passes and I feel a slight gurgle in my bowels. Then another. All the while, metabolic chemical reactions producing both benign oxygen in addition to some putrid gases are occurring. I've done it again. I've unleashed the fucking Whole Foods 365 dragon. The onset of a universal choral ode to vegetarian food. My coworkers already think I'm weird for never eating in the break room and preferring to eat at my desk (internet > discussing weekend activities with those dolts), but now I'm positive that at least 4 of them have heard me rip ass from around the corner. They're mostly comprised of nurses, which leads me to wonder while intermittently passing wind, do they think I have some sort of farting disease? An hyperfunctioning lower intestine? This all brings me great joy. Fuck, I love farting. It really makes my day.

Sincerely,
Alx




bloblovesgirlfarts said[orig][quote]
why have you not yet posted in the girl farts thread?

http://www.returntothepit.com/view.php?formid=78412



toggletoggle post by Alx_Casket  at Mar 18,2014 5:29pm
I guess the OP is why I got moved my own office away from everyone else now.

foreverfartingalone.jpg



toggletoggle post by cool at Mar 18,2014 6:10pm
Cool humble and unnecessary brag bro.



toggletoggle post by Alx_Casket  at Mar 18,2014 6:32pm
That asshole, always unnecessarily bragging about farting at work.



toggletoggle post by RTTP DEPT OF LATENT HOMOSEXUALITY at Mar 18,2014 10:43pm
Farts lead to turds, turds lead to pucker, pucker leads to anal slamming.



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