A Brief Summary of 80's Metal

Here is what you fags missed in the 1980's:

Metal was real/ruled the world in the US
Pussy was good when you could get it
Joints were rolled and smoked at concerts
Bands were cool with each other
Your friends sister would bang you from time to time (yes she had the Camaro)
Showtime channel ruled after 10pm
Metallica kicked your ass before apologizing with their music
Ozzy was drugged out of his mind/still is (ok I give you that)
Porn got shot on video/chicks still had hair down there
Half of you fags weren't born!
Iron Maiden was still kicking ass
internet/metal websites didn't exist to taint your mind
Cosby fooled people

But more importantly, things were less PC, less genres, less trolls, less pseudo faggets, technology was not dominant, we were in control, terrorism was those two shitty punk bands that only one club booked for shows with dismal turnouts but we were aware of them with their flyers, yet we were not offended by them, is it not time to go back to a free exchange of beliefs and ideas of we are all the same, we are that jerk dipshit dummy. Nowadays people are too quick to judge, too quick to respond, too quick to be a victim of a feelings hurter.........

I could finish my final thoughts but honestly it would be more fun to turn it into Mad Libs so feel free to insert your shitty responses, like I would give a fuck.

Add:

Messiah Marcolin still with CANDLEMASS
HELLOWEEN hadn't put out Chameleon or Pink Bubbles Go Ape yet (terrible band after 1990)
Friday the 13th / Nightmare on Elm Street franchise rivalry
play Zeppelin record backwards, scare neighbors

etc.

Yes about Helloween, though they did have one or two songs that were cool.
Horror was still in the golden age before it died with 90's bullshit.
MTV still played music and had Headbangers Ball
Slayer was scary (if you can believe that)
King Diamond was evil
Lots of people still didn't like Celtic Frost (fuck them)
VJ Prozak was still a fucking nerd that nobody listened to!!!!!

bennyhillifier

EIGHTEEN DOLLARAYDOOS?!!!

other legit curiosities of the era i should've mentioned:

Ricky Kasso (stabbed a guy on a combination of acid, mesc, and "Bark at the Moon" on a ghetto blaster, in the woods of Long Island)

Sam Kinison

AC/DC's most evil album: For Those About to Rock... (1981.) With songtitles like "Evil Walks", "Night of the Long Knives", "C.O.D." ('call on the Devil.') Shit was slow, slightly deranged & mean-drunk. Could and did play that vinyl backwards on parents' turntable.

beating off after viewings of the sitcom Roseanne, 'cos of 'Becky' and 'Darlene' characters (I was like 12 at the time, *ahem* I mean a friend of mine was 12...)

EIGHTEEN DOLLARAYDOOS?!!!