"Gosh, I'm tired," said the Rev to no one in particular. The house was silent around him. His wife was gone for the weekend with the kids, dog, parakeet and key to his BDSM dungeon. It was going to be a long weekend.

Then the doorbell rang. It was...

The ghost of his old hybrid! Harboring ill will for all the years of hard work carrying him to subpar local shows, only to be discarded like the hopes and dreams of a young MillennialKingdom. The car was about to exact its revenge, when...

Joe Christiani grew tired of his reputation as the poser of metal in Massachusetts so he searched and searched for a new calling. Then one day he decided "I should get into marketing!" So he searched and searched then the odonnell company answered his prayers, he packed up and moved out of his parents house in Norwood to a nice little apartment in New Haven, CT where he has officially retired from his days as a poser. Now as for his ex mistress she resides in an apartment in Weymouth and has developed a hobbie of booting heroin into her veins while listening to her favorite suicide silence album.

... But to his dismay, Blue pulled up in a white Ferrari with two naked women and one hooker in the trunk after a long night in The South Shore Plaza. His weiner dangled in the wind as he stepped out of the Ferrari, when all of a sudden..

...Blue's Ferrari transformed into Optimus Prime. Optimus Prime knelt down before the Rev's door and said...

*DING* The over timer went off. "That's funny," said Dwyer to himself, "I don't remember having anything in the oven." Eric Struth emerged from the parlor "Goodness me, my stuffed peppers are done!" he said to his usual audience of no one. "I was just so busy going back and forth between causing internet drama, soap boxing about not getting involved in internet drama and making myself hated by my coworkers at the AIDS Action Committe that I lost track of time!" Unfazed Dwyer returned to counting his long unsold stacks of Pathos stock. When along came...

...Scott, who is totally like, the sexiest man alive! His band Zircon is amazing and he is the greatest troll of all time. His true and loyal legion of followers told him....

to "shutup fagget", but then to his amazement...

...I like, showed them my tits and all of Scott's male fans instantly had an orgasm cause I am totally so sexy! That idiot Thundersteel tried to take me back to his hotel room. Scott totally stabbed him with his huge penis and...

Immediately combusted due to Thundersteel's blood containing deadly amounts of Heavy Metal thunder, fire, magic, and assorted tiger parts. Suddenly, a burst of AIDS-vapor emitted from Struth's house and rained death upon all three of Zircon's fans.

Blue became fully engorged upon watching this, and dashed for Rev's gaping mouth-hole. However, his advance was blocked at the last second by...

This thread rules!

...we all laughed when we saw that it was a measly 4 inches long. Scott was immediately arrested for being a fagget and permanently banned from RTTP. Glen Benton walked in with a loaded shotgun and a dead squirrel over his shoulder and said...

..."I just saw Bigfoot in them there woods over yonder!" Glen Benton then reached into his pocket and handed $18 to Dwyer with a smile, saying, "You know what to do, my friend" and disappeared into the mist. Just then, a great big...

Meanderthal that looks like Steve from.torche says to Andrew Bastard "you owe us 4018$" cause that show was for for addicts at some place called o'briens... With a frown on his ass...

...Duncan still owes me $18 and he runs from me whenever he sees me. I finally run him down, grabbed the $18 and...

immediately fell over dead and was never able to post on RTTP again. The rest of the RTTP gang heard about your death and immediately began to...

... question its validity. Then, Aril looked at your Facebook page, and...

Jerk off all over his keyboard while producing 8 bit porno soundtracks disguised as board game theme songs that will later be used at Raynard's funeral when he finally finishes the job. But not before....

... doing sick airs down at the Razer. just then, Goatwhore pulled up, on a break from their 3000 venue tour of New England, to bury some flexfit hats and unsold E.T. Atari 2600 games. Unfortunately, they didn't count on waves of displaced Somali immigrants fleeing before Raynard's flaming sharpie of ethnic cleansing, and they clutched their grab bags in terror just in time for...

...ME TO FIND OUT THAT GRILLED DICKCHEESE SANDWICH IS INDEED THUNDERSTEEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM THE SMARTEST TROLL OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND THEN I WAS GREETED BY MY LEGION OF LOYAL AND DEDICATED FANS WHO THEN.....

... Nurse Ratchet entered the room and said, "Mr. Wily. It's time for your medication". There were no fans. It was all a schizo hallucination. In the next room lay a man by the name of Raynard, suffering from massive brain damage and wearing his court appointed ankle bracelet. He opened a sketchbook and began to draw...

... Crudely rendered dicks as he imagined all the ebony fuckrods entering his wife's gaping gash. Then a curious thing occurred. Raynard began to fantasize about the dick of one Gloomy Gus O'Reilly, whose cock was known to be as thick as his bass sound. As if from a dream, his man crush appeared before him and said...

i think you need to seek counseling for your obsession with me.. i can't imagine it's healthy mentally.

.... But to his dismay, he didn't play along and is still perpetuating nonsense for his band by posting as a butthurt scene connoisseur who never goes to shows, until AndrewBastard shows up with a small baggie of...

nudes of Tori. "Old fucking news!!" screamed everyone who had already hit a jack to photos of her either half naked, naked or desperately wearing so little clothes that it didn't even matter and were just sick of it. All of a sudden a loud bang went off in the distance and everyone was shocked to find out that...

... The last of the unspent One Fund benefit show and codex obscurum order money, totaling $18. Before he could stammer out an explanation, the singer of the defunct boston black metal elite band Nachzehrer barged in and slit his jugular with the sharp edge of a cocaine scale. As blood spattered out onto his fiendish eyes, Reverend was documenting the action from the corner with his camera for...

...use in a role-playing game later with...

...Spence and Goatcatalyst. Actually by "role-playing" they meant man-on-boy hardcore action. In the midst of the homo-erotic scrogging, in strolls Rich Horror with...

... a list of every person at The Chopping Block, and none of you faggets are on it. crumbling the list in a ball, he hurls it into the waiting mouth of...

KPanzer, obviously high, drunk & running his mouth about something that may or may not of happened 30 years ago that he probably had no part in.

After swallowing it whole, he heads to the O'Briens bathroom to snort a gram in one sniff and having failed to chop it properly begins retching. Raisng red, water eyes, drool & bile dripping from his toothless mouth who does he see entering dressed like Elvira but..........

... then BCuff stopped being a butthurt fagget all over a good thread. And on a faraway desert island, Chiodos dreamt of rescue. sighing wistfully, he turned to his companion in exile...

... a 700 pound groupie with tendrilous snakes for hair and Alaskan king crabs flowing freely from her pubic mound. Chiodos vowed he would get off this god forsaken island. Just then, a boat horn sounded loudly in the distance...

"I didn't know horses could pilot boats" thought Chiodos. But it was none other than Black Metal Lady to the rescue. Goatwhore had finally decided she was more annoying than they were and she decided to dedicate her life to her search for Chiodos. But before she could come ashore...

Raynard Stevens shot at Chiodos with his gun shooting himself in the head with a flesh wound......

...dungeon master DYA appeared with 12 sided dice and said, "Choose your path, my horse lady." Black metal lady rolled the die and rolled an 11, which means...

... that she doesn't know how to play D&D, nobody uses a d12 for anything. Suddenly, everyone was hit with a 10 die lightning bolt, no save. At thatvery moment, however, on a garbage scow sailing out of Seabrook harbor...

...rammed into Paul CNV's fried dough stand, spilling delicious fried dough into the sea and causing Black Metal Lady to end her crash-diet and jump overboard to stuff her horse-like maw with empty calories. But then...

... I was in the middle of sucking Mike Shea's dick when that stupid fucking mick admitted he never had naked pictures of Eric "Soy Tits" Struth rubbing stuffed peppers all over his chest. Feeling betrayed I hung my head as Mike's tiny dick unleashed load after load of thick Irish sperm all over my face. Dismayed I headed towards...

my own butthole where i entered a hidden void between this dimention and the lower realms. there i met....

...Spags returning for his Father's Day...

...this slampig

who wouldn't shut up about the best band in the universe...

Dude that's taking it too far. Troll all you want but that's low.

...upon seeing this fine specimen of a white woman, I yelled out 14/88...

...wow, very 1%, such vtwin, leather, much clubhouse, continue story, wow...

OCTOJOSH- are you depressed? Depressed enough to write some true vinlandic funeral doom riffs, you fucking cunt!?

I AM THE GREATEST TROLL OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nope. I don't write Vinlandic music. I know someone who wants to and can't manage to though.

Well this thread is ruined now thanks again to King Wilystool.

But to save this thread, I only had to tell King Thunderstool one thing....

...you guessed it!

shutup fagget

The King Thunderstool shut his mouth and folded his arms like a five year old kid having a temper tantrum and then....

...was bathed in diarrhea because Conservationist cooked with stale onions...

...and Megatron turned into a pistol and shot Duncan. He then returned the $18 to NH Brufaggotry who...

...spent it on Arduous Task merch, causing The Reverend to call him up and say he had something important to discuss. When the Rev got there and rang the doorbell, NH Brufaggotry answered the door wearing...

...a miniskirt he stole from an $18 hooker. Then I beat the shit out of largefreakatzero who was on the ground crying and...

Just then a bus load of people headed to RPM fest drove by. It was fucking empty because no one wants to spend their day at a yokel fest unless they're playing it. Luckily Dan Hammer was driving it as his divorce tears caused him to veer off the road and crash into Tim Riley's house. The firefighters on the scene were busy laughing at Tim's stupid battle flannel when all of a sudden...

...Samantha's obsession with Scott Wily was triggered and she kept insisting she wasn't a big fat bitch. Then the next Metal Thursday rolled around and...

I pulled Samantha over to the tent outside & buried my face in those luscious boobs. Pausing only to grab a few camera phone keepsakes of the event I was shocked yet delighted to see.......

...An exciting rematch between Robin & Melody! Joe, it looks like Robin is curled up in his signature fetal position crying for the pain to stop. What is he looking to do here?

He's gotta get out of there and act like a man. Experience tells us that he won't because he's a dickless pussy that beat up a girl in the first place and has never actually won a fight in his life.

AND IT'S ALLL OVER!! ROBIN HAS GOTTEN HIS ASS KICKED BY HIS EX GIRLFRIEND AND IS A FAGGET FOR LIFE. Coming up next on Spike....

...What do you do when you encounter an androgynous fagget stuck in the 80s who wears spandex?

More from an eyewitness who saw Thundersteel's ass upclose and personal.

The commercial break ended and the interviewer asked...

Hessian Hofbrau Toil if his band Arduous Task were really nazis or just a bit wary of dirty mongrels like.........

... ME, GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN’S WAREHOUSE. WHILE TRADING DOWN AT THE NEW HAVEN PIER FOR AFFORDABLE ARMANIS, I SPOTTED EZRA'S SUCCULENT SISTER SERVICING A SQUAD OF SIX SOMALI SAILORS. UNFAZED, I UNFASTENED MY ZIMMER ZIPPER AND UNLEASHED THE LEGENDARY LADYLOOSENER. SLAMMING MY SALACIOUS PLEASURE PONTOON ON THE DOCK, I ASSUMED A SUMO STANCE. WITH A HOARSELY HOLLERED HAKKEYOI, I ACHIEVED AROUSAL IN LESS TIME THAN YOU COULD SAY "BUT." AWED AT MY PRODIGIOUSLY PENDULOUS HEBREW HOLEREAMER, SHE LUNGED FOR MY LENGTHY LOVETACKLE. MISJUDGING THE DISTANCE TO MY MEAT MAST, SHE SLIPPED ON A SMEAR OF SOMALI SEMEN AND FELL FACE-FIRST INTO MY FAUSTIAN FALLOPIAN FLAYER, KNOCKING HERSELF OUT COLD. I SPRANG INTO ACTION. REVERSING MY SUMO STANCE AND CLENCHING MY CAPACIOUS COLON, I BLASTED A BREATHFUL OF THE FOULEST FALAFEL FARTS EVER TO FLECK A FACE WITH FECES STRAIGHT INTO THE TREMBLING TROLLOP'S NOSE. MY INGENIOUSLY IMPROVISED SULFUROUS SMELLING SALTS DID THE TRICK, AND SHE SERVICED MY ISRAELI INTESTINE INVADER UNTIL DAWN, WHEN I TURNED HER OUT TO MAKE CAB FARE. I GUARANTEE IT.

SUDDENLY, JUST WHEN I WAS I GUARANTEEING IT...