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Devil Worshiper at the gates of First Luciferian Church of Satan
located down the street from the festival grounds
For four days in May, over Memorial Day weekend, hordes of Devil worshiping, drug crazed evildoers descended upon the unsuspecting city of Baltimore to participate in a bacchanalia of promiscuous sex, drugs, Satanic music, vandalism, arson, and enough horrid perversions in the eyes of the Lord to fill a entire library full of St. Peter’s books. This celebration of death and all that is evil made no bones about it’s purpose, titling itself “Maryland DEATHFEST”!
In order to discretely blend in so as not to arouse suspicion and suffer gruesome tortures at the hands of these heathen barbarians I donned the obligatory uniform of these so called “Metalheads”; A black t-shirt with Satanic imagery and symbols, a pair of torn, filthy jeans and faux snakeskin cowboy boots. Not able to bring myself to blaspheme the Lord, I donned a Stryper shirt which had not been washed anytime in the last decade, an adequate compromise. My hair is washed and clean cut, so I donned a long hair wig that had been soaked in beer and rubbed into the dirt to complete my disguise.
Surrounding the festival grounds were two electrified hurricane fences topped with razor wire. The outer perimeter was ringed by a moat filled with pig’s blood swimming with venomous Nepalese Deathshead Adders, while the inner perimeter was patrolled by packs of rabid, black dire wolves and syphilitic pit bulls. The entrance was staffed primarily by Hell’s Angels motorcycle gang members armed with chains, zip guns and steel pipes who took every opportunity to inappropriately grope females and rough up the males, confiscating illegal drugs from would be entrants (which I witnessed them snorting behind the port-a-potties later that day).
After passing through the gauntlet of brutality at the entrance to the festival, I witnessed many ghastly sights that will haunt me for all the days of my life. I will attempt to adequately describe them here, but some of these monstrosities are so shocking and perverse that they should not even be written down, much less read by good Christian men and women (and most definitely not children!)
Passing the underage blood orgy fuckpit where filthy metalheads writhed around nude on a grubby, fluid soaked mattress floating in a cesspool of blood with young teenage girls that had obviously been kidnapped, drugged and then forced to serve as unhallowed fuck puppets while Satanic priests in black robes ringed the pit, stroking their goat cocks and chanting Mephistophelian incantations, I perused table after table of all manner of demonic recordings featuring backwards masked messages advocating every manner of beastly and morally corrupt damnation. Additionally, on display, IN FULL VIEW were false idols, Satanic ritual implements and spell components as well as satanic bibles, black magic spell books, sacrificial animals, ritual daggers, bondage and torture instruments, and a veritable cornucopia of narcotic candy, goofballs, black widowpanes, slammers, Peruvian flake, Bahamian megadope, devil’s breath, nightshade, ladybubbles, wolfsbane, Frank Booth signature nitrous canister masks, Nazi vitamins, morphos, pig killer, pink witches, hell rox, bags of serpico 21, Mexican iguana scales, eye droppers of acid (hydrochloric, not LSD as one festival goer informed me), powdered foetus blood, salvia joints rolled from torn out pages of the Holy Bible laced with pcp and cobra venom and dusted with bath salts, not to mention an array of intoxicating alcoholic beverages and energy drinks laced with sacrificial goat urine and adrenochrome were all on offer.
The lineup on Thursday (or Thorsday as the pagans refer to it) consisted primarily of hyper Satanic, Christ hating black metal. I’m sure the music was as blasphemous as the performers with names like Extermination Angel (an obvious Luciferian reference), Dying Fetus (baby killers, no doubt), Agalloch and uber-anti-Christians EyeHateGod. I felt it wise to avoid the festival on this day out of fear for my life and limb.
The first of the Devil’s minstrel’s to take the stage on Friday were called Castevet. No doubt a veiled reference to some obscure demonic entity. The self styled Progressive Black Metallers took the stage with no obvious hatred of all that is right and Godly, but their music spoke for itself. Full of tri-tone devil chords, the crowd was instantly hypnotized by the waves of blackened evil roiling out of the speakers and fell into a deep stupor.
Next on the lineup, death and decay glorifying heathens Nashgul one upped the assault on all that is good and right with their undead based lyrics and full on anti-Christian message. The crowd instantly exploded into outright violence and insanity. Punching, kicking, stabbing and slashing at fellow audience members, things quickly got out of hand. Nearly slipping in the several inches of blood spraying onto the floor, I fled for my own safety.
After they had mopped up most of the blood and gore of Nashgul’s set, Deathrockers Ghoul took to the stage looking like they had just finished a four course meal of rotting corpses. After getting a mere 3 minutes into this profane act, I retreated to the hotel for sustenance, prayer and biblical meditation to gird my spiritual loins with the armor of God to face the rest of the day’s impiety.
Upon regaining my sanity and equilibrium, I again braved the crucible of death and deceit to witness the universally worshiped and adored false idols Napalm Death. True to their name, as the first unhallowed chords rang out, the floodgates opened and a tidal wave of jellied petroleum flooded the mosh pit, quickly followed by flaming torches and Molotov Cocktails thrown from the stage, igniting the flammable torrent. Blood curdling screams and the putrid smell of burning flesh instantly filled the air, forcing many fans who were not on fire to instantly projectile vomit which mixed with the napalm and instantly caught alight creating an inferno of flaming vomitus and flesh. I quickly retreated to a safe distance to witness the hellish pandemonium of immolated metalheads and regurgitation soaked fans. I whispered a prayer for my deliverance as the tableau immediately brought to mind the infernal pits of Hades, just a mere taste of what these sinners are in for should they fail to repent and accept Jesus into their hearts as their own personal Lord and Savior. Praise Him!
Immediately following Napalm Death were consummate blasphemers Godflesh (No doubt a very sarcastic and sacrilegious reference to the body of Christ). I thought perhaps I would get a reprieve considering the band was made up of only two members but it was not to be. As soon as the first subsonic rumble of bowel movement inducing bass flooded the speakers, the impressionable crowd burst into wicked chants of praise for the Dark One, while performing lewd and lascivious grinding motions and raised their hands, making the sign of the devil horns, raising index and pinky fingers in a double jointed hand symbol paying homage to the fallen angel Lucifer. About half way into the set, assistants on stage opened up the fire hoses, unleashing a torrent of blood into the audience. The overhead sprinkler system burst open, raining a cumstorm of semen collected from the corpses of gay AIDS victims down upon the screaming, frenzied masses. The male savages in the audience instantly turned on the females, tearing at their clothes like a pack of malignant dogs until these unfortunate strumpets were naked, before the beasts who look like men lined up to brutally rape the women with an array of iron crosses, vampire bats, rotting, diseased members and rancid corn dogs on an altar fashioned from the bones of unborn children woven together with fallen angel hair and the remains of Christian Saints robbed from their desecrated graves. I couldn’t bear to watch any more and quickly fled the unholy festival grounds
After attending an late night youth group meeting at the local evangelical church, I retired to the hotel to pray and recharge my spiritual batteries before braving the festival of death and defilement yet again.
After awakening on Saturday morning and perusing the festival schedule for that day, I decided I simply could not bear to face the onslaught of anti-Christian hostility in store for me. With a special noon event titled simply “Christians vs. Lions Cagefight” and acts with blatantly Satanic names like Black Witchery, The Devil’s Blood, Archgoat, October 31, Morbid Angel, and Hellbastard, the focus of Saturday’s cloven hooved, heathen ritual seemed as clear as blackest onyx. Instead I devoted my time to bringing the Good Word to the countless lost multitude of ebon clad, unwashed masses of Deathfest attendees on their way to the bacchanal. I think I made some impact and may have even touched a few receptive hearts. I had to seek medical attention in the afternoon for a broken nose and a knife wound. After spending the rest of the evening in the emergency room getting patched up I returned to the hotel for the three R’s (Repentance, Recovery, and Reflection).
Sunday I decided that the crowd would probably be less hostile considering many of them would be stoned out of their minds on drugs, as the festival lineup for the day catered mostly to Reefer Rockers.
After attending two Sunday morning church services, I blended into the horde of shuffling drug zombies on their way down to enter the gates of damnation. As I drew nearer, I could already see the roiling cloud of greenish pot smoke hovering over the festival grounds from several blocks away. I felt it wise to skip Coke Bust, Agents of Abhorrence and simply ‘Cough’ but southern sludge dope droners Rwake were already underway inside the Main Room when I arrived. I could already see the cracks starting to form in the freeway overpass outside the festival from the subsonic blastwave emanating from inside.
Japanese serial killer glorifying dirgemeisters Church of Misery were taking the outdoor stage as well so in the interest of bearing cross cultural witness, I chose to wait for them to begin, despite their not sounding like any sort of church to whose flock I would deign to belong. Before the first joy obliterating chord even rang out the dopesmoke fog machines on stage went into overdrive, spewing out clouds of noxious narcotic vapors. I had come prepared and donned my oxygen mask so as to avoid unwittingly inhaling. Considering many audience members already had masks practically glued to their faces in an orgiastic huffing frenzy, no one paid me any heed. During the height of their song deifying horrendous serial murderer and boy obliterating, buttfucking clown John Wayne Gacy, the lead singer donned a grotesquely fiendish Kabuki Shinto devil mask and proceeded to re-enact the accursed Gacy’s sickening necro-rape magic show before strangling the struggling young boy with a rope and tossing his corpse into the crowd where fellow death worshipers gobbled the boy’s flesh in a nauseating cannibal DeathFeast holocaust while Supercrack rock shotgun rounds were fired at random into the crowd penetrating exposed flesh and putting the wounded under the immediate thrall of the hyper-violent and unpredictable drug Supercrack.. I managed to escape unscathed by using a burnt out stoner husk as a human shield.
Blackened paisley, drug and Satanism peddling Limey doomsters Electric Wizard were very late in taking the stage to play their scheduled slot while aides carted the members to the stage from the heroin tent using stretchers and furniture dollies and propped the “musicians” up in front of their fifty foot wall of screaming feedback amps, strapped their beat up looking instruments on and held pipes containing crystal meth laced opium to their lips until some dim realization came to their drug addled minds that it was time to do the devil’s work. As the first few measures of “Black Mass” began, the lead signer took a long draught from a liquid DMT and Angel Dust speedball infused goat blood chalice carven from ram’s horn into the shape of Baphomet’s engorged, throbbing, demonseed machinegun, before handing it off into the audience where it was passed around for all the ‘chosen ones’ to partake of in order to be inducted in the Satanic Black Mass ceremony to cast a spell of binding, calling forth demons to posses the chosen few who, under the influence of the Angel dust blood spirits melange and demonic suggestion go into a berserker rage slashing frenzy armed with cursed soul harvester scythes and sacramental bejeweled scimitars, to sacrifice the hapless ‘sacrificial lambs’ (actually horrified, unsuspecting teen devil rockers!) to the Dark Lord HIMSELF! I unhesitatingly bowed my head and began to recite the Lord’s Prayer under my breath asking for protection for my very soul and salvation from Heaven above. I felt a protective shell of God’s love form around me and I knew that I was going to be shepherded through the darkness, Lord willing.
Knowing in my heart I was no longer on a mission to try and save lost souls, as these unmitigating evildoers were beyond the reach of even God’s light, so I turned my focus to documenting the dangers the Festival of Death and the spread of Black Satanic Death Rock into our communities poses to all wholesome young men, women and impressionable children as well as to our society at large!
I went dazedly inside to watch scornfully titled, ungodly German Lucifarian Black Death Metalists Bethlehem played a set of requiems exalting the Dark One in honor of the sacrificial dead. Acolytes in the audience provided a backing track by intoning occult summoning chants to bring forth God only knows what sort of foul entity from the brimstone pits of Abaddon itself after drawing a sacramental pentagram in the midst of the mosh pit with chalk made from compressed, dried human bones, most certainly former victims of these fetid, crepuscular crypt dwellers. Lighted human fat candles where placed at the five points of the pentacle. At the height of the execrable chanting, a sinister obsidian mist began to form in the center of the circle, with smoky tendrils reaching out to enter the mouths of adherents around the edge of the demarcated boundary. They immediately broke into fits of glossololia, gibbering madly with blood red wide eyed stares as they pulled long curved ceremonial daggers from their belts and proceeded to impale themselves, slitting open their chest cavities and disgorging their entrails onto the floor while other naked celebrants writhed around in the offal before auto-erotically asphyxiating themselves in the intestines. I felt the bile rising in my throat but managed to choke it back down. The noxious odor was nigh overpowering and I had to seek the marginally fresher air outside while I composed myself.
The very last performance of the festival was by ancient Italian Neo-occultist Necromantic Twenty Third Degree Satanic Black Archfiend Metal group Mortuary Drape whom the festival organizers had literally infernally resurrected especially for this performance. It started pleasantly enough with strains of church organ music playing as a delightful, wooden, handcrafted scale replica of an ancient Christian church was unveiled. At least until the cloaked and hooded band members mounted the stage wearing full on necrocorpse face paint and carrying torches which they promptly used to set fire to the model church before hurling the torches into the assembled horde, instantly engulfing several hapless worshipers in flames. A naked women then squatted over the smoldering ashes and loosed a stream of urine onto the angrily hissing coals releasing a cloud of odious green cremated pissgas. Launching into their infernal sonic assault upon all that is pure, hallowed and benevolent, they exhorted those witnessing their occult ritual to give their souls over the fallen Angel Lucifer, the Dark Lord Satan himself! Satanic blood pacts were then passed into the audience by the band’s acolytes for people to sign in their own blood to take part in the ritual of necrotic devotion. I felt I had seen and heard enough and promptly turned and left the premises. I simply could not bear to take in any more of this filth lest I be inadvertently corrupted by it. I know that I shall have nightmares aplenty for a long time to come.
I share this with you, my fellow believers and defenders of good and right thinking values in the hopes that it might be a warning as to the growing threat that this insidious musical trend poses to our children and even to adults. Satan comes in many disguises in order to lull us into a false sense of security but we must NEVER let our guard down. This once fringe culture is becoming very much a part of our popular and youth culture, even appearing in children’s cartoons! Kids as young as 5 or 6 are becoming bewitched by this beguiling and pernicious subculture which uses imagery such as dragons, vikings, wizards, bats, skulls and popular icons of death to lure easily influenced young ones into the clutches of Satan! It starts innocuously enough with supposedly harmless forms such as viking metal or fantasy metal but quickly progresses into listening to the ‘hard stuff’, Satanic Black Necrometal!
Sincerely yours in Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior,
Brother Job Samuelson
