NEWS_ARTICLE.RttP{Woman whines because b/f listens to Cannibal Corpse while inside of her}

How do I convince my boyfriend that death metal is not mood music?
Posted Thursday, Sept. 25, 2008, at 6:57 AM ET

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Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend is absolutely not a sadistic sex killer. He is a kind and generally considerate person. But he loves listening to gruesome death metal—music best described as blasting noise with deranged growls and shrieks that often (from what I can tell) celebrates horrendous misogynistic violence. He respects that I am not a fan of this music and doesn't usually play it when I am around. But he gets a huge charge from listening to it when we have sex and is comparatively lackluster at the deed when he doesn't have it to fire him up. Although I find the music unpleasant and distracting, I don't object when I feel focused enough to block it out. What really bothers me are the awful themes. It disturbs me that a seemingly well-adjusted man in his 30s is aroused by torture fantasies set to music. He says it's just about the "energy" for him, but I really don't know what to think about someone who wants to listen to Cannibal Corpse when he makes love to me. Am I being oversensitive about this?

—Blasted

Dear Blasted,
It's always a comfort to know the person you love is not a sadistic sex killer—so right there you have something to build on. I like the image of you two making love: He's cranking up Cannibal Corpse's romantic classic "Bloody Chunks" while you're sticking in the ear buds of your iPod and desperately turning up the volume on Michael Bublé's version of "I've Got You Under My Skin." When you're not having sex, you say he's "generally considerate," which is not exactly a declaration that "I've got you under my skin/ I've got you deep in the heart of me/ So deep in my heart, that you're really a part of me." But couples need to have sex, and he finds it hard to perform unless you are forced to listen to songs of female dismemberment. As you describe it, you get through these sessions by trying to disassociate yourself from what is going on. This does not sound like a formula for sustained intimacy. I don't think you're being oversensitive about the gruesome nature of your boyfriend's favorite erotic imagery, especially since you are supposed to endure it. I have a hard time seeing where this relationship is headed—it already sounds like a Cannibal Corpse.

—Prudie