bennyhillifier

wow

i thought i was a bad roommate for emptying my guts out on the floor one night...

hahahaha stupid cat

fecal lasagna

hahaha

DON'T OPEN THE FRIDGE!

AWESOME. Reminds me of, well, practically everyone I've ever lived with. *headdesk*

apparently a buddy of mines roomates found him one morning half naked and passed out on his laptop in a pile of puke, apparently he was jerking off and passed out, then puked all over everything, lulz

Say what you want about the naked dude, but he has great taste in booze... and one killer nutsack

This man knows his nutsacks.

My old roommate was a crazy metalhead from Moscow. It was not uncommon for him and his friends to drink an entire bottle of vodka in one night. He used to get so drunk that he was incapable of walking the distance from his bed to the bathroom, so he would pee into the empty bottles laying around his room. Then, my cat would sneak in and knock over the bottles, spilling urine all over his room. His room smelled really bad. Strangely enough, the armpit smell overpowered the urine smell.

Russians are allergic to deodorant.

Like 15 years ago an ex-roomate showed up at my door and stabbed me in the fucking head then stabbed me a few more times for good measure. What a dick move.

And success in any form but being a guido rich on crime.

AHHHHHHHHH-HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!@#12#! 12111111!!!

My fat bitch ex-roommate once bitched at me for buying regular tampons because she had to use THREE AT THE SAME TIME for them to work.

Like it was my fault her vagina was a gaping cavernous vortex of whoredom.

introduce me to her. Sounds like she's the girl who can fulfill my fantasy of putting my entire giant ham fist inside herself.

I appreciate your commitment to the sodomitical arts, Dave; but it appears you may have glanced over this red-touch bad word, Dave:





Seventh Imperial Satanic Commandment: NO FAT CHICKS

She could do it without even feeling it, she's a fucking beast. Tit-to-gut ratio: michelen man status.

hahaahaahaha, you guys are fucking poets.

My ex roommate was such a drunk and bitch that every time I would go to the bathroom I would put the seat down. Most of the time and when I did not she would then slam the toilet see down, especialy when she came home from a show drunk. Next she would always leave a brown filth in the tub and sink from her face make up and ? My jackpot was that ever time at that time of the month. She would leave drips of her pussy blood on the seat. Or on the edge where she would put her hand in to wipe, but at least I know in advance when I would wake up when she would be more of a bitch...

i am far too experienced in living with fuckhead roommates.

ogm! cat in the fridge?!? cherry almost died when she hid in the fridge and punky had to save her with punky power.

i shared a room with my gf at the time in allston, there were four other couples living there (big ass house) things kept turning up missing, and everyone kept blaming me cause they all knew each other and i was the last one to move in....
Until i found my gf stealing drugs from me that i obviously wouldve done with er anyways, then because i saw where she was putting them i checked for other things and lo and behold almost everything that went missing suddenly was found. Girls suck, roomates suck. I love living alone.

Anyone ever had a roomate use the rent money (from all of you) on hookers? I have. I was a little peaved.

Sounds like your roomate made a cameo in Grandma's Boy.

Did you get to gangfuck the hookers at least?

i had two roommates from november 07 until may 08 who were just fuckin awful (nothing as bad as the video up top)
but basically, they were always late on bills and rent, the guy rarely cleaned up after himself, and was unemployed 90 percent of his time living there, his girl lost her job in january, and she did nothing but eat and sleep....

they got spare cash selling their belongings, and spent it on booze and pot, they stole booze and food from me and my girl, they would throw loud as parties when i was trying to sleep (knowing i had to get up at 6 a.m.), but then would whine about the t.v. being too loud when they were taking naps in the living room at 2 in the afternoon.

overall just giant pains in the ass

boy does that sound familiar. i've only been living at my place for a month now and haven't seen the first months rent or half of the second months rent from one roommate. what the fuck is with people. if you only want to survive, it takes so little work to make ends meet and to have bills paid on time. but no, its always just a big fucking mess of half-assed excuses and "yeah i'll take care of it" with no real amount of effort being made. i fucking hate living with people, but you have to do whats necessary to live.

Granda's boy was way funnier.

yeah, it blows...
the big double edged sword is that living with roommates rarely works out, but living on your own is a pain in the ass in this economy

nope, fuck roommates. Well, i guess technically i have 30ish bands as roommates. And they are quite messy, but thankfully its my job to clean up after them so at least it gets done.

This is why I'm against democracy: most people don't have their shit together and would starve if this Nanny State weren't there to bail out their sad asses.

Society is dysgenic.

if the government cracked down on welfare thieves, this country would have a much better economy....

i work for the state (MA) and i see (many) people on welfare every day and for every one who needs the help, there are 15 who are scamming the system.

pretty disgusting

seriously! oh man its so fucking frustrating. and then when you say something about how no one else is upholding their end of the bargain, they look at you like you are an asshole. argh, i guess i should understand its going to happen, this is apartment #4 with at least 1 shitty fucking roommate.

i dont know whats more difficult sometimes... living with family or living with roommates. both have advantages and disadvantages. i havent had the opportunity to have a live-in gf but i'm guess that is also immensely frustrating.

dude, i know, one time i told the asshole i mentioned before he needed to pay his share of the rent (because he had owed me two months worth, and the next month's due date was coming up), and that he needed to do dishes (because there were absolutely none clean anywhere in the apartment, and me and my girl had done the last three or four sinkfulls)......he looked at me like i was the biggest dick on earth and yelled "don't treat me like a kid man, you're not my father"

hahaha fuckin dickhole....pretty childish thing to say for a jobless loser who "wants to be taken seriously as an adult"

one time when i wasn't home, he complained to my girl that i was "really stressin him out" by asking him for the money he owed me on such a constant basis.....she said "it's funny you mention stress, because it's very stressful for us to live with two unemployed adults who dodge us when they owe us money, steal our food and booze, and almost never clean up after themselves....we are not your fucking parents"

yea, i've dealt with bratty spoiled roomates who don't clean before...sucks

living with parents is worse....when you're a kid, you feel like they are stressing you, and you hate the lack of freedom

then if you live at home after you are 18, you realise you are a bum, and you are stressing them out, and feel pretty worthless.

i live with my girl right now.... she can be a bit of a nag sometimes, but if you have a really good thing going with someone, it's really not bad.
i mean really, the only thing that drives me nuts is that she doesn't have a liscense, so whenever she needs to do anything that she can't rely on normal public transportation (bus, train, trolley, whatever)for, i have to either drive her myself, or pay for a fucking cab ride.

talk about bratty and spoiled, the dude i was talkin about before, his girl lived with us, and after she lost her job, the only thing she did was eat, sleep, get stoned, and get drunk (how these unemployed fucks got money for take-out, weed and beer and then expected us to believe they "just didn't have the money" when rent was due i'll never understand)

seriously, she lost her job in either january or february, between the day she stopped working, and the day we all moved out (may first) the only house work she did, was packing up all her shit the day before we moved out.

not only is she the only person who lived in that apartment who never once took out the trash, never vacuumed, and never did a full load of dishes, she also she once puked all over the toilet, the bathroom floor, and the floor mat in front of the shower, and left it there for an entire weekend....when me and my girl came back from her parents house, she told us this like it was a funny story, and was mad that we told her she should have cleaned it up by now....
my girl ended up cleaning it

That's how it always is with welfare economies. I like the idea of people not having to work so much, and having job insurance (so if your job goes away, you're not screwed), but welfare breeds parasites.

Here it is two groups -- Russians, and Mexicans.

You will find them in $350,000 homes. What is the game? Sign up every member of your family as head of a family, and swap around kids to take in as dependents. Then, move all 12 of them into $350,000 house. Do not pay electricity, insurance, or water. Poop in the bushes. But pay your house note.

After ten years or so, you can have the house paid off, and then buy another one, and start renting that, all while you collect welfare.

It seems racist against Russians and Mexicans to say this, but I think it's just empirical observation and not an uninformed one. Up north of the city we have more of the trailer trash welfare cheats, and to the northeast are the real Negro slums.

trust me man, i see it all the time
white trash
mexicans
blacks
(mostly the latter 2)
coming in for "assistance" saying they need financial aid, and free this, and government funded that, and meanwhile they drove here in a car i could never afford, wearing a 300-600 dollar outfit and listening to music/babbling on an "IPhone"

i once asked a guy who had an "IPhone", a leather jacket, 200 dollar pants, diamond studded gold "bling" around his neck and knuckles, and a designer shirt (who came in for welfare assistance) if you can afford all that, why can you not afford to buy a birth certificiate, and feed your kids.

never once during the conversation did i mention race, now i am labelled a racist by all the blacks and hispanics i work with (including one piece of trash who works here who barely speaks english, makes more than i do - even though i have been here longer, and do far more work - and somehow she collects wic/food stamps)

I think you just offended like half the board.

hahahahahahaha.
sorry guys

let me clarify....i said that because i speak from experience, i moved out when i was 19, moved back in a year later, moved out again when i was 22, back in again when i was 25, and back out again about a year ago.

I can't even play Manhunt 2 without her bitching at me that I am a loser for playing video games on my day off.

You'll see.

It's their one defense: any criticism of them is racist, like any criticism of other groups is Anti-Semitic, Anti-Christian, Conservative, etc.

We live in a passive-aggressive society.

judging by that, your parents are going to love a 35 year old orgy moving back in.

hah, no aaron, i think i got my budget worked out well enough that i won't ever have to bum off relatives again

Fat bitch was the same. She left the dishes one time for 3 weeks until I caved in and scraped the MOLD off them. I have a fucking kid, and she could care less that she was such a disgusting pig. That and her stupid cat pissing in the house finally made me kick her out.

After I kicked her out I found out she'd been fired weeks ago....from her 3rd job in 6 months. Then she left all her shit in my place for a month so I couldn't move in my new roommate, left her shitty cats there for half of that and didn't buy them food or litter (so I had to, because while I hated them- I couldn't starve them). When I told her the cats were going to a shelter and her shit to the curb, her mom called and threatened me with a lawyer.

Then she skipped out on her last month's rent and about 4 months of back utilities. Awesome.

Fortunately she and her greaser boyfriend moved to Vegas. I hope they die there.

HAH, HOW THEY GET A LAWYER??
fuck that dude, she screwed you over.

they definately should die, her, her man, and her mom

haha, me=retard....i meant how would they get a lawyer?
on what grounds rather....god damn i suck

"Willful destruction of property" according to her. I laughed, informed her the my landlord WAS A LAWYER and that she was ridiculous.

Bitch came a day later to get her shit. She made sure to throw the bouquet from my wedding and some stuff I knit her in the trash on her way out. CUNT.

(She was my good friend for 10 years, I was only charging her 200/month to help her out because she was broke and had nowhere else to go...obviously I'm a terrible friend.)

THAT SUCKS
i'm tellin ya dude, being roommates with friends, kills friendships.

i'm in the same boat, of the two shitty roommates i was talking about, the guy is a member of a family that has been close with my family since the summer of 1998, now shit is akward between me and his siblings because of how much him and his hole dicked me and my girlfriend around

the more i think about the angrier i get, the only reason i was lucky enough to get the money these two pricks owed me, is because the landlady gave the deposit directly back to me, and their half (just barely) covered it

I hear ya, that festering slophole was still friends with my friends so I had to deal with awkwardness.

That's why I'm NEVER doing it again. My roommate after her was a friend too and while we're still good friends, I know she wanted to kill me as much as I wanted to kill her. Fortunately we got evicted for uh...celebrating too much, and now I live blissfully roommate free.

I will put my face on a bansaw before I live with someone I didn't marry or give birth to again.

haha, i hear that
livin with my girl (without other roomates) has been pretty excellent.
i just cross my fingers in hopes that is stays that way

oh man, this is making me so mad thinking about it, i have spent so much time thinking the same thing.

While I mostly agree...

I had good luck with roommates, but I'm a fascist.

No rent = two weeks grace and then they're gone, by force.

Most of them knew that I kept a .45 in the car, and were unwilling to force the issue.

The one that did not found her belongings outside the door of the apartment the next day. I am tolerant to a fault when goodwill is exhibited; when it is not, I am avenging Kali and I tolerate no excuses.

i lived with my old bestfriend and my kid's dad when i firet started dating him. dave (the gay bff) used to get in fights with matt (tk's dad) and shove random objects of his up his ass.. like his toothbrush and tweezers and whatnot... then he would go to work for the day laughing about it all and people would call me and tell me so that matt wouldnt get anus fluids in his mouth.. they got in such a heated fight once that dave thre out all of our tables.. coffee table kitchen table end tables tv stand.. bc he thought matt bought it.. but i did. he used to bring home random men and make out in my living room and dye peoples hair in my kitchen while we were trying to cook and stuff... ugh. we kicked him out 3 months before the lease was up.

wow.... this thread is just pissing me off.... one of my old roomates stole my cat and moved to Cali with him... i miss my cat. His name was Grifter and he would sleep on my back/side depending on how i slept, and lick my eyes when i needed to get up for work. He was awesome.

They took your cat?

Grounds for murder!

you just made me feel dirty... on a sidenote i had a roomie die on me. OD'd on oc's and smokin coke. didnt know him that well also didnt know his habit was that bad. kinda of a shame

if anyone remembers a guy in medford getting shot by an old lady while breaking in her house. that was him

Funny. Even though I think the video is likely fake, I find it funny that the cat was in the fridge. The other day a good friend of mine told me that he knew this kid once who use to put his cat in the freezer when it was being a bastard. The first time he saw him do it he thought it was a joke...until the guy actually left the cat in the freezer for 1/2 hour. Fucked up.

I used to have an ex for a roommate. It was horrible. I thought that it would be okay because we both agreed that we could get along as friends and have no hard feelings. It turned out he was feeding me a bunch of B.S. because, in reality, he wanted to somehow finagle his way into being in a relationship with me again.

The guy had a total breakdown, often flipped out for no reason, threatened suicide, and created a ridiculous amount of drama. It was like living in a psych ward. It was so bad that I actually slept with a knife under my pillow for a while. He rarely cleaned, either. He would leave leftover take out food all over the place and never bothered to open the bills that were under his name until they got shut off. Since his parents were helping him out, he lied to them a few times and said that I didn't pay my rent just so he could get more money from them. He also lied about how much was owed on some of the bills that were under his name just to get more money from me.

I could probably write a book about all of the crap I had to deal with from that guy. 3 years after I moved out, he wrote a blog about how I apparently owe him "thousands of dollars" in unpaid rent/bills and how I apparently ruined his life.

LOL! I just remembered that I still have pictures of the slob's old bedroom. I love how there are dirty clothes on the floor with booze spilled all over them and a dirty sock hanging from a bookcase, like the dirt gave it some magical static cling power. Unfortunately, the images don't fully capture the lingering pickle juice mixed with butt crack stench that permeated throughout the room.

haha, i don't care much about animals, but i do agree that theft/destrcution of personal property is grounds for violent murder

hahahaha....
that is pretty disgusting....
the cunt we lived with used to steal my girl's tampons too, and she would always whine that they "leaked"

so one day i got sick of her bitching and told her that if she bought her own, she wouldn't have this problem, and if her snatch wasn't so big, the regulars would plug her up fine, and her boyfriend would be alot happier.....maybe even more inspired to work, clean and be a little less of a miserable douche

I hope you kicked his ass

I agree. actually i raised a cat from the kitten age while living at home, then that cat got prego and had kittens, as soon as one of them was old enough to leave i took it with me and my then current girlfriend... (the same one that i mentioned earlier that stole shit from everyone we lived with including me) and after i left her place i moved in with the two lesbians. One hot, one not. And no, they were not a couple. Anyways, i went on a vacation, when i came home my bitch roomate (the not-so-hot lesbian) stole my cat and moved to Cali with him. Her reasoning in the note she left was that our two cats made each other so happy that she couldnt seperate them. (her cat was always depressed before it met my cat, who do to my abundant love and play time with him, was an incredably happy cat.) So she stole my cat to keep hers company in cali instead of TALKING with me about it, because honestly i would've agreed with her, but i would've wanted to discuss keeping the two cats myself, that bitch. If she wasnt 2thousand miles away i would still consider going to get my cat. I know it sounds lame, but i still miss that cat.

It probably wasn't dirt that stuck the sock there...