jc... the older I get the more is seems that I need to just lay down a whole roll of paper and drag my ass along it until I top being a brown crayon. sucks cause I use to be consistent 4 passer.

I shit myself a little Saturday morning. I had to ditch the boxers and freeball for the rest of the day. THAT was alot of wiping, let me tell you.

Metamucil is for regularity

Defends undergarments

thats what you get for being vegetarian

It varies a ton. When the water splashes, not so many. Certain golden shits, not many. Usually however, I have to wipe nine million times. I get bored and take breaks. I sometimes bring my GBA in to the bathroom and play it in between wipes. My life sucks.

Or incomprehensibly rules.

god damn, the 1-wipers are the promised land. the best joke carlos mencia stole wrote was the one where he asked for a pill that fixed his shit.

1000 Wipers are awful. it doesn't happen often, but when they do, the firehole is crippling. i am a multiple wiper, sometimes i hear people in the stalls next to me wipe once or twice and then get up, and i refuse to believe that one can get oneself clean with so few wipes.

I take it everyday. I've been trying to drop my cholesterol level (without medication) by eating alot of chicken and fish lately. The day before the sad boxer situation, I cheated on my diet and ate a bunch of rich food -- Irish for lunch (banger sandwich), and Mexican for dinner (chicken burrito).

Now it could be assumed that the rich food caused my massive poop attack, not making it to throne on time, etc. BUT, my theory is that we all know that the Irish hate the Mexicans, and vice versa. I believe the 2 factions were having a street fight in my lower intestines and one of them retreated -- quickly.

Hahaha, I have a friend that claims to have certain shits where he doesn't have to wipe at all. That sketches me out because how does he know he doesn't have to wipe without wiping at least once. He just might be walking with shit all up in his shit.

maybe hes a contortionist

hahaha he checks by going eye to eye.

Even when I think I'm done wiping I still wipe a few more times because there's always shit hiding in the strangest of places.

The worst is when you wipe and then a little wet dingleberry comes out and you have to wipe for another half an hour.

ha!

I eat such crap that I haven't had a solid shit in years. It's like a brown waterfall. A brown stinky waterfall that takes one wipe to clean up, and a bottle of Lysol to make the room habitable again.