I was walking down Church St. in Cambridge and I walk past a black guy on talking on a cell phone. I hear him say "Yeah I'll fuck it!", very loud. He sees me and says "pardon my language." I laugh and keep walking, he keeps talking. The rest of his conversion goes like:

"Listen I'll just come over there and fuck it hardcore...who's make who feel like a whore?...If you want me to come over there and make sweet love to you I can do that...but if you want me to simply fuck it that's cool too."

stupidest shit you've overheard?

and let me be the first to post "If it wasn't for my horse I wouldn't have spent that year in college."

A couple months ago I was in the airport waiting for a flight to come in and I hear a guy say some pretty dumb shit. Among the excerpts:

"The runway situation in this country is just horrible, we have too many airplanes that can't take off fast enough because the tree-huggers won't let us build more"
"I would go to work in a windowless building before the sun came up and by the time I got out it would be late at night, I sometimes went weeks without seeing the sun, it was just awful"

Just today actually while eating lunch at the dining hall.

Two black females conversing overly loud.
One says to the other, "CHIPS AHOY?! THAT'S MAH NIGGA!"

theres some gems on here www.overheardinnewyork.com

Fuck_Logging_In_NLI said:

You win for the Lewis Black reference.

Customers often say this at my work.

Often time they are harvard students.

"Because I buying so may items, do you think I could get acouple items for free?"

And I WANT to say to them. NO! Nobody forced you to get more items! It's up to you to spend your money on what you can afford! Dick!

swamplorddvm said:

Quit selling meth, then.

INFECT said:

Chemistry teacher: I am not liking annoying sound. Today on subway there was man with pants, like, here [motions to mid-thigh] and loud, how you call?... iPod! I am thinking, 'He is going to lose his pants!' And he stand on crowded train and sing with iPod. He give us concert, and am I thinking, 'Why he not dead yet?'


ahah.

this ones even better...

http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/

20-ish peon #1: I have to go and see my sister and her new baby.
20-ish peon #2: You'll come back smelling like babies. I love that smell.
20-ish peon #3: They smell like uterus.

Parliament Place
West Perth
Australia

i have to listen to this fat fucking cow all day, every day since she sits on the other side of the cubicle wall. every single thing she says is stupid and asinine, i'm going to start firing flaming arrows over the wall.

My old boss used to constantly talk about her niece to EVERYONE. It used to drive me nuts. She would say "she said hello yesterday. It was the cutest thing. My heart melted". It's like, Jesus Christ, have your own fucking kid. I bet the kid's mother was afraid my old boss (her sister) was going to kidnap the kid or something. It was that creepy.

There's a woman at the Quincy Center T station that always asks me if I have $2 she can have. A while ago I walked by her talking some girl's ear off, and I overheard her say:
"Yeah so for the past 2 weeks I've been seeing the virgin Mary outside my window...."

I overheard a great conversation between a bunch of black kids on the green line that started with:
Black kid 1: So I'm bangin this nigga out right, like BLOWW-BLOWW!
Black Kid 2: Yea, yea, straight
Black Kid 1: and then this other nigga come over an I'm like BLOWW-BLOWW knockin his ass out too
Black Kid 3: Say word, say word
Black Kid 1: and den his bitch come at me like she gonna swing, and den my bitch come outta nowhere and stabs this bitch in the stomach wit a fork!
Black Kid 2: Damn nigga!
Black Kid 4: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo-ooooooooooooooooooo!
Black Kid 1: Just like BLOWW! Yo she a keeper.
Black kid 3: Yea yea
Black Kid 2: For real for real
Black Kid 4: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo-OoooooOoOOooooo!!!

Yeti said:

You need one of these:



http://www.fatbraintoys.com/toy_companies/noted/trebuchet_kit.cfm

i work with a bunch of spoiled high school kids if i hear one more kid say that avenged sevenfold or atreyu is "fucking heavy bro" i am gonna kick them in the head

hahaha i may just skip firing something over the cubicle wall and bring in Grond.

Get a cave troll.

well she bears a striking resemblance to a cave troll, so it would just start humping her.

someone just told me about a "video sound card" their co-worker bought... and insist it's for their car.

I work in a hospital.

"This lady who works at Subway, she went to the bathroom at work, sat down, and had a baby. It fell into the toilet and nearly died from being asphyxiated in the toilet water. You go nine months without having your period and think that you have a stomachache, not realizing there's something kicking inside of you?"

I wonder if there's an "Overheard at the Palladium"

Two fourth grade students were working on a geometry assignment where they had to use polygons blocks to replicate shapes on their worksheet.

Kid 1: Can you pass me one of those...I forget what it's called...Diamond, kite things.

Kid 2: Nigga, that's a rhombus.

Well at least she knows not to get him into soccer.

Story's from this show, the scariest thing on television

"I always liked Jawbreaker way more than Sunny Day" - 13th year college dude

"duck"

MOST AWFUL SHOW EVER!

I remember the first time The Soup showed a clip of this show and being absolutely horrified. Most of the stories are much like what Alx described.

"Yo man Scott from Xasthur is totally playing bass on our record AND we're doing a show with Inquisition!!!"

At patriots training camp, what number is ochocinco?

1) WE WANT TO ANNOUNCE OUR NEW LIVE BASS PLAYER, FRED ORDONEZ (EX ANAL CUNT, EX PHLEGM). SCOTT CONNER DID RECORD ALL THE BASS FOR OUR THREE ALBUMS BUT CURRENTLY CAN NOT TAKE PART IN ANY LIVE VENTURES.

2) A MAJOR SHOW IS COMING TO RHODE ISLAND. IT IS ONE NOT TO MISS AND EERIE GRAVESIDESERVICE AND A SURPRISE HEADLINER WILL BE PLAYING PROVIDENCE SOCIAL CLUB APRIL 24TH. WE HAVE BEEN ASKED NOT TO MENTION THE HEADLINER UNTIL THE OFFICIAL POST ON THE BANDS WEBSITE AT 5 PM TODAY. YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED. I BELIEVE BOG OF THE INFIDEL IS ALSO ON THIS BILL, THOUGH I AM NOT SURE IF JOHN FROM PROVIDENCE SOCIAL CLUB HAS ASKED THEM YET.

HAIL THE ANCIENT KINGS OF HELL.

my self and ross and hirudinea ben used to have this sort of character voice of the average patron of new england metal and thursday fest. It was just a heavy masshole accent laid upon a pastiche of words and phrases like; BROOTUL, DILLINJA, KAHNIBUL, WICKED HEAVY, ITALIAN SAWSEDGE, FAHHTED, WICKED HAHHD, IN DUH PIT, PITTIN SO HAHHD, FAHHTED, KEVIN TALLY, CWORPSEGRINDAHHHHHHH

Black woman on the phone in the grocery store...''Is Day red?!!!...IS DAY RED?!!!!...I DON'T WANT 'UM IF DAY PINK!!''

Guy on his bluetooth cyborg communication device at the grocery store:
Him - "I love you..... no, I love you move... No. I love YOU more.... *he's crabwalking slowly in my direction* No. YOU.... yoooouuuuuu... I love YOU more."
*steps on my foot while I'm trying to find a ripe avocado*
Him - "How about you watch where you're fucking going?"
My then girl friend punches the guy in the mouth.
Escorted from Market Basket.

JUST overheard at my office:

someone"I'll get away with it. I'll make up a pseudo-name."
someone else "Don't you mean a pseudonym?"
someone "No, it's a pseudo-name. Don't be stupid, I know the English language."

hahahahaha

Some guy in a Wal Mart parking lot to his girlfriend: "Bitchfuuuuuuuuuuuuuck"

all one word. It's my new favorite.

I was shopping at Target the other day when I overheard a soccer mom say, "Well, that's what happens when you have anal sex..."

Ummm... what?

this reminds me of being at one of those early fests and seeing Kevin talley trying so hard to make people buy dying fetus mousepads or sanitary napkins or whatever other useless merchandise with their logo on it.

Also, FAAHTED being in there twice made me laugh pretty hard.

Well yeah, that is what happens.

The best thing I ever overheard at metalfest: "pessimist? They should be called pessi-pissed 'cause they're fahkin' pissed!!!"

"You kicked her where?"

you know what doesn't happen? Babies.

Obama cums every time a fetus is aborted.

Her 12 year old probably shat herself. Kids start early these days.

Some nurse: "We had this pregnant woman who only spoke spanish come in with stomach pain, did not understand how she could be pregnant. We asked her about her sexual partners and she said that there was this one man, but he gave her this piece of paper that said that he could not make babies; that he was sterile. She produced the folded piece of paper and it turned out to be a flyer written in english for a carwash... the man figured correctly that she couldn't read english and gave that to her, and she bought it."

^ FUCKED........UP

7th grader #1: Nigga, after school I'm getting an Arizona iced tea and skittles.

7th grader #2: Awww yeah.

7th grader #1: With my hoodie on I got that Trayvon Martin swag

7th grader #2: Swag

Guy at the bar in waterbury to the bartender: "try to get a good head on that beer. When it has a good head it tastes like oatmeal. And oatmeal is really good for ya."

LOL

Lol @ the lady walking out of the bar complaining that doors that you have to pull to go outside are illegal. She was legitimately upset about it.

actually that is a serious fire hazard. Coconut Night Club fire look it up.

I know about the incident. Still lulzworthy.

awhile back, my girlfriend and I were at the cambridge galleria eating and this group of stupid college broads walked through the door and this was said "oh my god, it smells so... cultured.." in a mall food court.