So we just get into this place in VA called Jaxx which was actually a pretty killer venue. Free booze, big-ass stage, lotsa girls, drugs, etc. Anyways so we get there and we just finished unloading all our shit and relaxing at the bar when this total fucking classic potato-head downer in a white button down shirt, cowboy boots, and a big ass white cowboy hat comes up to us and starts asking us if he can sing for one of our bands tonight. He even offered us money. We jokingly offered to let him sing "Call From The Grave" for us but then he took it seriously and like....came closer. Thats when the panic set in.
Andrew's with me right now and I just realized that I need to elaborate on just how much of a retard this guy was. He was making faces like those guys in the "bitter beer face" commercials and we could hardly understand a fucking word he was saying. We'd been on the road all night from partying the night before so none of us were prepared for this shit. Eventually we all basically ran away from him because none of us wanted to talk to him.
So he sticks around for the whole night and not once but twice he tried to steal a shirt off the distro table. I guess he bought a magazine for five dollars and somehow assumed that a free t-shirt came along with it because as soon as he started to walk away he just yoinked it off the table. The first time I guess the guys let him off easy because well...y'know....he's retarded. But the second time he did the exact same thing and they ended up reaming him out for it.
I got a bunch of pictures of the guy because I figured you only see a retard wandering around in a cowboy hat at a black metal show once in your life. Id sneak around and pretend I was taking pictures of shit behind him that he just happened to be in the way of. But the best picture I got was when Corky the Cowboy wandered over to Julian from KOA and shook his hand. I just happened to have the flash ready as soon as their hands met. It was priceless. And I'm sure Julian's really happy I got a picture of it too. A dazed and starstruck Corky the Cowboy shaking the hand of a very confused and awkward Julian from KOA without his corpsepaint on.
I actually regret not letting him come on stage and rockin out with us but we werent sure how itd go over with the crowd. That would've been awesome to play a Bathory tune while this guy sings "Mary had a little lamb" or something in his Corky voice. I'll post the pics when I get them developed. Weve got a day off today and then were playing Baton Rouge tomorrow. I cant wait to get back into my bed. I am having fun though. Ill talk to you guys soon.
