I start my job at the funeral home this Monday. I get to hang out with the stiffs. My work is going to pay for Mortuary school as well. Good times. The people there are wicked cool as well. Especially the dead ones.

have sex with a dead lady for me.

ive wanted to do that and ive looked into a few mortuary schools. what exactly are you doing? mortuary school seems like some serious shit from what ive read. i wanna wait til im ready. what school are you going to?

i used to work with a girl that went to mortuary school. she'd always where the school's sweatshrit and i'd always try to take it from her. it was awesome. it said school of mortuary in big letters on the front. some school in NY.

Sex with the dead, now I must breed
Within the stiff corpse, planting my seed
The taste of formaldehyde, smell of the rot
Suck out the goo, feast on her crotch

dan_bloodblister said:


I am going to FINE Mortuary college up in Norwood in November. Only two nights a week which is cool as I live on the Cape. It is a two year college and the graduation rate is 99%. At the funeral home I will be doing everything, like setting up for funerals, picking up stiffs at nursing homes, Hospitals, people's homes, Accident scenes, etc. I want to get into embalming, autopsies and the like as well. I am going to learn all aspects of it at my new job and when I get into school. You should do it. Excellent money.

Messerschmitt said:
They best have sweatshirts and t-shirts at this school or I will kill them. Good for business.

We will call you Quincy from now on.

Messerschmitt said:

I was waiting tables wednesday, and I ran food out to this one table. there was a big fat chick sitting there wearing a sweatshirt that said BACON ACADEMY in huge letters. I almost dropped her fajita on her.

yeah, im kinda in a weird phase right now like everyone else trying to figure out what i want to do. i think thats the type of shit where i would want to go to work everyday and..i know the money is insane. and you never run out of business...
the thing i dont get about mortuary school though is - i noticed most last only about 2 years...do you need another degree or is that all you need? do you know exactly what you are going to be learning there? is it more business or anatomy/ebalming...

dan_bloodblister said:

They teach both aspects of it. Basically everything.

I never got along with the girls at my school
Filling me up with all their morals and their rules
They'd pile all their problems on my head
I'd rather go out and fuck the dead
'Cause I can do what I want and they won't complain
I wanna fuck I wanna fuck the dead
Middle of the night so silently
I creep on over to the mortuary
Lift up the casket and fiddle with the dead
Their cold blue flesh makes me turn red
'Cause I can do what I want and they won't complain
I wanna fuck I wanna fuck the dead
And I don't even care how she died...
But I like it better if she smells of formaldehyde!
Never on the rag or say leave me alone
They don't scream and they don't moan
Don't even cry if I shoot in their hair
Lying on the table she smiles and she stares
Chorus

-tsol

No one said it better than Alice Cooper

Scoracrasia said:


I know an embalmer (he gave me a bodybag!)
I was interested in doing this, so i asked him what to do, where to go, etc
He gave me a long description of how his average week is, and i changed my mind.
Long hours, always on call, having to drive from one end of the state to the other at a moments notice, pulling over and vomiting on the side of the road because you've only gotten 2 hours of sleep in the last few days and have again been called out, the constant fact that you can be sued into financial ruin for the smallest of mistakes, the threat of being sued because the person you got to cover for you so you can have a vacation with your family fucked up, etc.
He told me one horror story of how, one hour before a wake, he noticed that one of his stitchings split, and blood/fluid leaked onto the stiffs shirt. He had to open the body back up and tie the vein before anyone could see (i.e. sue his ass off), all while grieving family started to show up.
after that i said no thanks. he was teaching a class on it, and said he gives this speech on the first day of classes. most people walk out at that point.

PHANTASM!!!!

DomesticTerror said:

Such as life (and death). Got to work and someone has to do it. I am not going to be a funeral director. They are the ones that get hit the hardest with that kind of thing. I am taking this job very seriously and I am tedious when it comes to detail. I don't mind being on call, such as the job. I am a single dad too, and my work knows this so they know my job comes second. I have sitters lined up. I can see where he is coming from though.

wasn't trying to discourage you, just giving what little info i have heard.
Best of luck, bro.

I've spent too much time in morgues alongside dead bodies, in funeral homes etc. it's a tough job...if the smells weren't bad enough..you have to be strong in the sense of not being grossed out easily...i don't have the heart to do it..also in terms of the "finished product" i see a lot of people who OVERDO it with the make up..making the deceased look like a clown =(
more than once i found myself rubbing some off their face

i did a little of documenting dead bodies took pics 4 times, even in a morgue, they were so harsh and raw..i was shooting b&w film for the most part too

funeral pyre!

succubus said:

what worries me is that Scoracrasia will more than once find himself rubbing off on some of their faces!

DomesticTerror said:


Na, Haha!! I know that!! Thanks for the words.

These things happen!