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:	post by succubus at 2005-08-04 00:03:20

whiiinnneeee whine whine

i think i have no right at all to complain but.. there's nobody to talk to about it..

im really sick of making the same mistake 4680486098 times in a row, and then not making it twice, thinking im the man, then just making it again.

i just have a really big problem saying no, and saying that publicly, on here, makes me vulnerable and even more stupid.

if i fool around with you after knowing you for two days, why can't you just have the decency to see me once in a while so i don't feel like complete and utter shit, which is basically how i'm feeling right now. but why would you, seeing as you got what you wanted, and i should expect this to be the case. considering it happens to me all of the time.

sometimes i feel like when i don't put out i still get rejected, almost like i can't do anything right. and i know i'm a really nice person, and i'm outgoing and fun, and i have a good sense of humor, and if you're nice to me i'll do anything for you, but nobody seems to care about that, or care to get to know that side of me. even when i don't give you what you ultimately want. for once i want somebody to stick around afterwards. make me feel a little less like a whore.

but maybe i should feel like a whore. i only do shit like this because i hate myself anyway.

and to people who do things like this, girls and guys alike, i don't know if it has ever happened to you, but it doesn't feel great. and i just can't imagine living with myself after making someone else feel like this. i don't know how you all do it. because i didn't ask for your soul, i didn't ask for every waking moment of your time, all i asked was once in a while. but. just but.

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