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:	post by Christraper at 2004-12-07 11:14:48

What a wierd fuckin weekend!!!!! Jesus fuck dude! Rather embarrassing but ill tell you anyways because if this shit happened to anyone other than me id think it was fuckin hilarious.

So to start off saturday afternoon im in the bathroom performing my usual male grooming ritual and i happened to notice i was starting to grow a wooly mamoth down there and was in desperate need of a trimming. (SHUT UP I KNOW ALL YOU GUYS GIVE YOUR JUNK A HAIRCUT EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE! AT LEAST I DONT SHAVE!!!!)

Well as we all know this occured on a day that ends with "y" so of course i was stoned when i proceeded to trim the hedges and Im sure you can all see where this is going so ill just say it. I CUT MY BALLSACK OPEN WITH THE SCISSORS! Holy shit that hurt!! And not two seconds before i did it i was thinking to myself
"Wow jay you almost cut your ballsack open there. You should be more careful. Maybe next time you shouldnt smoke before OW OH MY GOD!!! DID I REALLY JUST...OH SHIT!!!!! NO STOP BLEEDING!!! FUCK!!!! OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

So its not like by nuts were hanging out of my sack but theres was definitely an open hole in it all weekend. Im not deformed or anything. Everything still works and it seems to be healing nicely but holy shit that really sucked!!

So monday rolls around and i go outside to warm up my car before leaving and i ended up locking my keys in the car with the engine running. Then i realize very soon afterwards that i locked my self out of the house because my house keys were with my car keys. So after waiting 2 hours outside first thing in the morning for AAA to get there i decided that i was NOT going drive an hour to work even though i wouldnt have been able to anyways since my gas ran out while i was waiting for AAA.

So i stayed home and got retarded. A few hours after my roomates get home i get a call on the phone from someone who claims to be with the Providence Police Dept. This guy tells me that someone has filed a sexual harrassment charge againt my cell phone number and that i need to come down and fill out a report. The only people i call on my phone are the guys in my band and my girlfriend and im pretty sure none of them are going to charge me with sexual harrassment. So i asked my roomate to give me a ride to the police station because by then i was in no condition to drive. When i got there the lady at the information desk had no idea what i was talking about, never heard of the guy who called me, and wasnt very eager to help me find out if someone wanted to see me. So i dont know whats up with that. And my nuts still hurt.

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