i know exactly what you mean. I have several contradictions like this.
For instance, I hate crowdpunching and assholes at shows, but I love the hardcore style of pits, flailing limbs and what not. Often at metal shows its pushy shovey shit and i cant stand that. I like to fuck people up, and i dont mind getting a black eye.
I like playing for the taste of silver guys and the shaniqua guys. oh, yea, and those two 12 year old girls who made up the entire crowd at the derry show.