Since this is what passes for serious metal discussion from serious music fans (not just asshole elitist trolls) ITT we will use this space to critique shows and live performances we admittedly didn't get to see.

FORUM RULES:
1. You have to begin each critique with an admission that you didn't actually goto the show.
2. Please follow the above disclaimer with a really lame excuse that everyone faces but you'd like to believe is unique to you (examples include that you had to work the next day, tickets cost money, it's really dark outside at night, 30 minutes is too far to drive for a show, etc).
3. Absolutely do not give up faith that your opinion is just as valid if not more so than the people who went.

Rules? There are NO rules!..

Two Toenail Death Kick played the Something Awful fest in August 2004 and it was the heaviest thing I've heard since the snap of my neck from a broken Cleto Reyes boxing glove.

Melt Banana - Sapporo Japan 1999

6/10 Damn, really wish I was able to goto this. Unfortunately, I wouldn't get my passport approved until about 6 months after I downloaded my first Melt Banana MP3 9 years later. I wanted Nile to open but the promoter wouldn't book them. Openers were (I'm assuming) some dumb Japanese bands. Melt Banana shredded but they make it really hard to figure out when to mosh.

I had to miss the Combat Tour's NY date at L'amour due to being grounded after a disastrous kindergarten April Fool's prank the day before, but overall I thought Exodus really stole the show. (We honestly thought Venom was overrated.)

Totally. I hate how Lemmy acts like he's gods gift to death metal.

I had to miss the Nile/Immolation stop in Worcester around the beginning of 2010 because my ride's crazy bitch of an ex showed up at his apartment complex that morning, broke the windows on his car and slashed the tires, and started trying to kick his door down while screaming that he was a dead man until the cops showed up. Hell of a way to find out that it's not happening. Also, everyone I know who went said that it was utterly fantastic and that Immolation stole the show, which just rubbed it in even more.

PROS: Suicide Girls introduced the bands.

CONS: $2 Poland Spring

where are they????

i mean the good ones. not the bad ones.

EXCUSE: Cats peed in Rev's gas tank.

I missed the Primal Fear show at Harper's Ferry in 2010 because I couldn't find a parking spot. Gave up and went home after a solid hour of circling the area. 0/10.

Without unsourced opinions on the performances of the bands in question, all of these posts are meaningless. ur doin it wrong

Satyricon @ the Jizzcastle

Totally wanted to make it out to this but just couldn't do it. I had to be at work at 9:00 AM (in the MORNING) on Monday. Show was on a Friday but I didn't want to fuck up my sleep schedz. The openers were rad. Was disappointed when I wasn't asked to show my horns very often. Threw a few unsolicited horns out there but didn't feel confident about it. As far as Satyricon goes, it's pretty sweet that an internationally touring band was willing to play a venue like this, and I know I'm always screaming about how there aren't any touring bands playing around here but let me just say... I need a large African elephant and I need it today... but this juuuust ain't what I'm looking for.

I bought two tickets to the saint to sinner/scarecrow hill show at jared's for a blind date and got stood up. I was really upset and couldn't bring myself to go inside but I astrally projected to the bova realm and let his soothing shred engulf my soul. 10/10 would project again.

For the LAST TIME, leave my GF ALONE!

Disfear's first show @ Lutfisk squat, 1989

I considered taking a week off of the 4th grade to attend this show, but overall my social studies grades were slipping and there was the cute girl who sat across from me in recorder practice, so obviously there was a lot going on. I thought there was a lot to be desired from the band's performance overall, and while vocalist Jeppe Lerjerud gave it his best, instinctively I knew that it would take Tomas Lindberg's golden throat to make this band truly shine.
Still, I put aside my reservations and pushed right up front, waving a vinyl copy of Soul Scars in guitarist Björn Peterson's face, even though it wouldn't be released for another 6 years. Inexplicably, this seemed to cause some bad feelings, and some guy with Hitler hair grabbed my record and whipped it across the room, which I thought wasnot very chill at all. Overall, 4/10, not impressed.

I will be missing the 11/23/2013 Empyrium show in Berlin @Passionskirche because I can only afford one eurotrip a year. Needless to say, the show was one of the best I ever attended and a bunch of romantic hip dudes winked at me in foreign languages.

I didn't go to the Winter is Coming fest because I didn't care about any of the bands. But I'm sure I would have had a terrible time and none of them would have been my favorite.

DUDE,it was a blind date. I didnt fucking know. Leave ME alone.

Oh wait, Evoken played right? They were my favorite performance at the fest I didn't go to.

Mine too.

Taake at The Chopping Block 1/28/01

I didn't hear about this Nattefrost side project until a day ago but I wish I'd gone to see Nattefrost singing for these guys back then. 10/10 show from what I've heard, I found a good video of it online and planned to download it to my ipod touch but then I'd have to delete these Moonblood rehearsals I've cherished since June 2013

NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS PRINCESS

Unlike me on FB you wont.

Type O Negative in Manchester NH in 1994. Easily one of the best time I never had. Peter Steele was very ill and I didn't get the illness by not sucking his cock when I wasn't there.

I thought that show was Steeley good.

what is the twitter handle so I can follow this.

I went to go see Sonic Pulse and Seax in 1985 before any of them were born. I tried to check in on foursquare but the smart phone had not been invented yet. Beer kegs were being thrown out of windows and there were 30 racks of skunked PBR and Miller High Life in every corner of the room. Kids in flip capst and tiled denim vests kept offering me free beers and a truck delivered pallets of dominos pizzas to every one in the crowd. It was time for Seax to hit the stage and they road in on brazilian packmules. Thundersteel shrills into the crowd of pizza covered thrashers to call upon the gods of metal or more likely because his spandex and obscure nwobhm bootleg tshirts were too tight that evening. When sonic pulse hit the stage a bunch of black metal teenagers vanished like vampires being hit by the morning sun and were turned to stone. I think herman li was filling in on guitar and Dan Hammer was covered in dayglo colored premature ejaculate. He was then rescued by Doc Brown and Marty McFly who were concerned about his band and the three blasted off into the future to save its legacy. Overall a very fun filled night where everybody got along. I heard the members of Municipal Waste were in attendance and became so influenced by the show they started their own band based entirely on the experience.

Explained this thread to my girlfriend and asked her to review a show.

She added:

^^^ Sting may be finally signing with WWE, so we may see a Police reunion at long last.

Inxs-final world tour

I had tics to see inxs on what would become their final tour before Hutchences tragic death, but could not go due to recently breaking my neck after falling out of a tree while peeping on my 90 year old male neighbor.

Show was solid, inxs played some tracks off their newest masterpiece, but mostly the standbys everybody wanted to hear. The band seemed into it, and played well, but I could see in Michael hutchence eyes (as he stated deeply into mine during "i need you tonight") that he knew later he would take his new obsession with self asphyxiation while pleasuring himself one step to far.

8/10

Master @ F13 March 14 2013.

I was totally gonna go to this show with Megan Halpin but we got way too wasted off mai tais while pregaming and ended up banging for 2 hours instead.

Master killed it. Actually all the touring bands where pretty awesome. Bog sounded cool in that room. 10/10 would repeat.

...

pics or it didn't halpin?

Hahahah Best post in awhile

Fleetwood Mac at the Boston Tea Party, 1968? 1969? Who knows, the acid was SO GOOD. Peter Green was on fire and the band was totally rolling all night. They kept making some weird inside jokes about a little blond witch that was going to steal their souls, they kept laughing nervously, I didn't get it at the time. Hopefully someone recorded it...