http://www.myspace.com/horrifyingcondiments

No music yet, but we'll put up some practice demos soon enough I'm sure...or you could come see us at Bender's Bar in Worcester on January 31st. WOOOO.

omg sikkkkk fuck you

love it

Anyone who doesn't love it will be forced to love it, but it won't be rape.

boner of the beast.

DICKS DICKS DICKS

dicks six six

dicks

Different band, IDIOT.

oh :(

YOU'RE A DIFFERENT BAND, IDIOT!

Do I win?

Yeah that's right, frown. See where that gets you. I'm going to offend you, sensually.

You partially win, but you mostly lose.

I'm going to drop my hot and creamy load all over your rippling bod.






I'm the dude that carries the Krispy Kreme donut cream.

You still have a rippling bod.

Ok, NOW you win. Congratulations. You are now an official member of Horrifying Condiments.

That's scary.

Scary things you can put in hamburgers.

Mmmmm.

BUMP. Here are some HC lyrics. Show them to your parents.

"Asses To Ashes, Nuts To Dust" (additional writing credit to Granny Monster, AKA Salmonella Thrilla)

I saw you walking alone on the side of the road
Daydreamin’ of your hips screamin’ out my name
Oh how I’ve been fantasizin’, romanticizin’
Of straight violatin’, fornicatin’ and creamin’ such a dame
I pulled up slow and smooth like a menthol cigarette
Your lips said mister, no, but my cock said sister, yes
I love you lady, let me feed your little lion with my lust
I’ll turn your asshole into ashes and my nuts into dust

C’maaawwwwnnn…
Asses to ashes, nuts to dust
Let’s spread it on thick and do it in the butt
Nuts to dust, asses to ashes
Let my love lotion soothe ya rashes

You wanna be tough, you got it, here’s your chance
Got you by the scruff, bitch, take off ya hot pants
No use to struggle now that I got you in a flesh muzzle
C’mon puddin’ pop, my penis is the last piece to ya poopshoot puzzle
I feel it honey, now we’re movin’ and a-groovin’
Moanin’ and groanin’ while people watch us bonin’
Shocked by the size of my cock, you’re drippin’ on the sidewalk
I knew you’d come around when I took it to the brown

C’maaawwwwwnnn…
Dust from nuts, ashes from asses,
Go downtown, let me bust it on ya glasses
Asses to ashes, nuts to dust
Next time baby we can make it a snuff

Just for a minute…I could have sworn
I saw you and me with a family in my mind…
We could record birthday parties over all my porn,
Leave my promiscuous ways behind.
I clean out my bank account to buy you a ring
Get a 2nd job so we can have kids and a home
You’re so pretty, when I see you I hear angels sing
Nah, you know I don’t give a fuck about a ho

You’re gettin’ uneasy as I tear your ass up,
Getting gamey, stomach’s queasy, I feel it in my final thrusts
Thrown to the side, you’ve had a ride, but bitch I gotta screw UH
Don’t want yo numbah cuz bitch, your ass been chewed up
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Level Sleaze Sensual Offender" (additional writing credit to Granny Monster, once again)

She gets me going like meat, fresh or rotting.
The scent of condiment spills on aisle four.
I see a mammoth on wheels; I start stalking.
Our rascals pass, I know I’ve got to score.

There’s nothing hotter, more enticing, than a chick who knows
Her girth alone could cause tremors, and make me quake
Her arm jiggles above the cans of Spaghettios
That bitch means business, that slut; make no mistake.

Girl, I see you on that hovaround...pourin' over the sides like you want this
I’m a sensual offender
A connoisseur of voluptuousness

Be it the pervert in me
Nothing looks quite as tasty
As the pound cakes found all over this
Epitome of obesity.

Now she’s feeling up fish
Nothing too good for this bitch
I wheel up behind her
Stroke my geriatric dick

Girl, I see you on that hovaround...pourin' over the sides like you want this (the whole goddamn thing, uuuhhhh)
I’m a sensual offender
A connoisseur of voluptuousness

The chase is on, from canned foods to produce.
She clogs the aisles just like her arteries
I hate to see her go but I love that caboose
Oh baby I’d love for you to be a part of me.

She seems startled as I push her to the floor
Her eyes glassed over, but I know she wants more
She’s feelin’ up my sex fruit and my crotch veggies
Pullin’ at her diaper, half past an orgasm from the wedgie

Goddamn girl I got a grip on you
You’re so soft like the guts of tomatoes
Greasy rubber skin and tits like smashed grapefruits
I’d love to lick mayo from your cankles to your toes

Ride away with me into the sunset
5 MPH with the wind blowin’ through our hair
You’re the one for me, my trophy catch
I just hope you can make it up my stairs
---------------------------------------------------
"Dicks Dicks Dicks: The Boner Of The Beast"

So this is hell
The salty taste and the putrid smell
7 lbs. of malevolent meat, mangling my mouth
Plunging over and over, in and out, in and out
What the fuck did I do to deserve this?
He even makes me gargle songs with his piss
Swallow, swallow, swallow your load, forcefully down my throat
Scarily, scarily, scarily, scarily, I hope to gulp your cream

Dicks! Dicks dicks!
The boner of the beast
Endless evil loads are sworn to be released
Dicks! Dicks dicks!
The boner of the beast
Satan’s seed is the sauce in this flaming feast

My face is fucked with no regret and no remorse
This mothafucka is hung like the mothafuckin’ Trojan Horse
He doesn’t give a shit, he’s mothafuckin’ Beelzebub
He’s just using me as a place to dump his albino baby slugs

Dicks! Dicks dicks!
The boner of the beast
Endless evil loads are sworn to be released
Dicks! Dicks dicks!
The boner of the beast
Satan’s seed is the sauce in this flaming feast

I thought I’d seen it all…
I thought the worst was over
Until I saw, resting above/below his balls,
Three more dicks creating a 4 leaf cock clover

Cocks! Cocks cocks!
The boners of the beast!
An eternity of multitudinous MephistophaMEAT.

sell out

I just peed on my bare feet

Just because I get paid to rock don't mean I'm a sell out. You're just jealous that my spandex are tighter.

WELL PUT SOME FUCKING SHOES ON RUSTY! WHAT THE FUCK!

FUCK SHOES!! AU NATURALE IS THE ONLY WAY

AAAAAAND anotha Juan:

"Gynaecomastic Rage"

He’s angry, irate and really fucking pissed
Because his tits protrude further than his dick.
He’s all man except for the funbags on his chest,
100% certified Grade-A man-breasts.
Every day is a struggle with such a physical oddity,
Even though every night is a little bit more interesting.
He’s explored and experienced more than the average man,
But regardless of the “perks” he is sick of his “man-mory” glands.

Surgeons toil into the depths of night
Trying to remove his “flesh headlights.”
No more will they weigh him down,
No more will girls be jealous now.

Weeks passed, months gone, and something was amiss…
Back in full force were the tits
He paid so much to dismiss.

No rationale, no logic or reason, just adrenaline and “testostrogen”
Accompanied by violent thoughts led him on a rampage.
He killed everyone he could amidst hot flashes
Fully consumed by gynaecomastic rage.
He settled down eventually to bake and crochet.
He’s an excellent housekeeper these days,
He watches Martha Stewart now for a better cause
Since he’s gone through “manopause.”

whatever, sell out.

I'll shit in your cereal.

I'm eating mac n cheese.... it's going to dry out.
that is such a sellout move.

Sellouts don't have poop.