There's a short, old Mexican dude named Ramon that works at my temp job who just found a quarter in a toilet that was removed from the bathroom 2 weeks ago. The toilet still had remnants of shit all over it, and he was not wearing gloves. He also rubbed battery acid on it with his bare hands. I don't know what the fuck was going through his head during that process...all for a quarter?
post by orgymf@work at Dec 4,2008 8:57am
dude...all i work with is strange people.
my friends Joe and Trevor are paranoid conspiracy theorists
we have a 60 year old man named Donald as an accountant who is like a cross between Rain Man and Milton (from "Office Space") and hates everyone
we have a creepy old Haitian dude who turns everything everyone says into sexual innuendo, and hits on every woman who comes to the counter (age, race, appearance unimportant....as long as she is over 18)
we have a dude who is 36 year old "class clown" who will yell stupid shit like "hey look at me" from behind a doorway when you walk accross the research room, or make fart noises if you're on the phone or talking to a hot chick at the counter
a 6'6 jewish guy who lives for anime, eats a strict diet of ice cream and potato chips, and treats customers like they are retarded children.
and a 20 year old jock/wigger kid who thinks nothing is more important than sports.
My Hispanic employee's display vindictive behavior's, especially damaging the vehicle's or personal property of their enemies in the work place. It's usually over misunderstandings or petty squabbles. As a white person, it's strange to me that they can't get along with their own kind; going as far as to violently threaten one another during staff/employee meetings.
When I worked at a food distributor there was a dude named Rob who would always brag about his "hot" girlfriend. Turns out she looked like a fatter version of Hank Hill with tits and a wig. We got a pallet with pigs on it for a pig roast, and one of the older employees started slapping one of the pigs' ass, humping the air, yelling, "Look, I found Rob's girlfriend!"
I once had to sit through an interview with human resources while they were investigating a suspension against my boss. Here's a list of questions I was asked.
"Has anyone in the office ever physically threatened anyone. Perhaps demanded that they *shuffle* 'give them their lunch money?'"
"Have you ever witness anyone forcing another employee to dial a phone number that would spell out a swear word... like 'boobs' or 'boner?"
I laughed at the phone number one, and asked the guy if he was serious. He was red face pissed at me for asking.
This isn't even the fat guy that I'm always complaining about. Give me a second and I'll put together some of his latest debacles.
- He called me on his day off to tell me that something was wrong with one of our computers. Every time he pushed the 1 key it would type an exclamation point. To this day he probably has no idea that he was just holding the shift key.
- He threatened to sue the university, and called in sick the next day out of protest for having to do work during what he randomly designated as his 30 minute meal break. This is in spite of the fact that he had already eaten lunch, he had done nothing all day, and everyone else was busy.
- Frequently asks me "So what kind of band are you in, grunge, or new-wave?" and talks over me while I tell him I don't know what either of those terms mean.
- While alone in a room with a female co-worker he shook up a magic 8 ball, celebrated over the answer he got, and then informed the female co-worker that he had asked the 8 ball if they would "get frisky" that evening.
- Approached me at my desk to ask me how a magic 8 ball works.
I have one co-worker I can't stand....everything about them just makes me furious. she has a fake laugh she uses all to frequently....and her comedic timing is awful. I wouldn't mind so much if she wasn't ALWAYS trying to be funny. She reminds me of when adults are at a family party and one of the younger children is trying to fit in and hang out with the "grown-ups"
I have a coworker that didn't have a star wars themed wedding, but they did have the JOP mention "The force" and "Jedi" and "padawan" and "harry potter" and "some other stupid fucking harry potter stuff" in their ceremony. I LOVE star wars, so i loved that, but harry potter ruined it. They played "the imperial march" during the garder toss, they had a jedi figurine, and a Leia Organa figure on the cake. It was awesome............... the only sad part was he was marrying my sister. true story.
I have a scientologist in my work. He is the shadiest, craziest, little cult member i have ever met. He will ask people if they can use their laptops to do work, then search on them for all pic and video files, then foward any offensive ones to the regional manager. He was at a bar, and went right up to one of my clients that happened to be drinking their (the beantown pub) and started drinkin with him. (They only knew each other because he dropped off one of my projects to him for me.) Keep in mind this "client" is an Attorney/Partner in one of Bostons top ten firms. He started telling him he should convert to the "true way". He also tried to kiss a girl that was brought their BY my client.... i should tell you that this scientologist also has a condition called Aspergers, which is a little like a very mild form of autism. He doesn't really get social signals, and doesn't understand emotion. So, my clients buddy punches him in the face. He comes back to the office and calls me, my partner, my boss, and the regional manager...... to complain about my client. I bet you can all guess where that went.
I had a "ya dude" coworker from Jersey. He was driving to CT to drop off a rush job to a law firm, and was speeding because my boss told him too. got pulled over, told the cop he was speeding because his boss told him too, and the cop said that "your work can pay for the ticket too" and he came into work expecting IKON to pay for the ticket, and the raise in his insurance....hilarity ensued.
we have a creepy old Haitian dude who turns everything everyone says into sexual innuendo, and hits on every woman who comes to the counter (age, race, appearance unimportant....as long as she is over 18)
we just hired this new dude a few weeks ago and all he does is stare at people.
it's fucking creeping me out, he's two desks over. he's staring at me right now. WTF?
I was thinking more along the lines of putting white out on his chair, so when he sits down and gets up again, there'd be a white spot all over his pants
You should make kissy faces at him, or play "gay chicken" with him. I'm sure he'd be more creeped out by you at that point.
wait wait wait...... "Gay Chicken"?? like go in for a kiss and wait till he moves? What if he's down for the kiss? Is the joke really worth that possibility?.... i think it is. lulz
we have a creepy old Haitian dude who turns everything everyone says into sexual innuendo, and hits on every woman who comes to the counter (age, race, appearance unimportant....as long as she is over 18)
haha....worse.
i told a story about him at my first comedy show.
when he saw on the video that i referred to him as an old creepy haitian dude, he grabbed me by the ponytail and rubbed his hand on my chin and asked "you want to see creepy? because you don't know how creepy i can get biggie, i will show you my big black one eyed snake"
at which point i understood exactly how every girl that's ever heard me tell a rape joke felt
we have a creepy old Haitian dude who turns everything everyone says into sexual innuendo, and hits on every woman who comes to the counter (age, race, appearance unimportant....as long as she is over 18)
haha....worse.
i told a story about him at my first comedy show.
when he saw on the video that i referred to him as an old creepy haitian dude, he grabbed me by the ponytail and rubbed his hand on my chin and asked "you want to see creepy? because you don't know how creepy i can get biggie, i will show you my big black one eyed snake"
at which point i understood exactly how every girl that's ever heard me tell a rape joke felt
i have a guy who literally talks about anything and everything 12 hours a day...i blatently ignore him and he keeps talking...i sometimes find him talking to himself and he also makes grunting noises when he's searching the internet, either cuz he's overweight or something else is going on...
aside from that dude, i have a russin guy who was in the kgb-most likely has an ak-47 in his suit jacket.
There's a dude here who just talks non-stop, sometimes just saying numbers, names, half lines of song lyrics that he fucks up all the time and just random sounds. He sounds like that basketball announcer who yells a lot, like, "IT'S IN THE HOLE BAAABBYY!"
I took a personal day yesterday, and the fat guy had to cover this one singular job for me. The problem is that this job involved putting less than a paragraph of text into fields on a computer, which is way more than he's capable of handling. I came in this morning to find out that he completely fucked everything up, showed up late for the job, and tied up half my department trying to get someone to tell him what to do.
I wrote this guy detailed instructions on how to do it. Made a screen shot of how it should look. AND gave him a document file with all the necessary information to use so he could just copy, and paste it instead of typing it. And he still couldn't handle it.
And when he came in this morning (a half hour late), were the first words out of his mouth an apology for screwing up a job that I'm more or less responsible for? No. What I got was this:
Fat guy: Oh hey, Mike. Do you hit "ENTER" to change between the fields, or "TAB?"
Me: Enter.
Fat Guy: Oh cuz, I hit TAB, and...
Me: You can't hit tab. It'll submit the info before you're done entering.
Fat Guy: Yeah, I know, cuz whenever I hit ENTER I have the same problem and...
Me: THEN STOP IT.
It was the most productive conversation I've ever had with him. 10 minutes later he was in a shouting match with no one in particular about how he demands comp time for a decade's worth of lunch breaks that he was refused.
Did you end up getting a job? (weren't you looking for one?)
yeah, i was looking for a while. i've been at the job since october, doing multimedia stuff (mostly designing ads with animation and video). it's exactly what i was looking for, so i'm happy with it.
My boss told me he used to jerk off at work. I need to find a different job.
HAHA, thats awesome.
One time a girl got her ass kicked at a OBGYN office I was working at. She got housed so bad she had a black eye, bloodied nose and scratches all over her big white knockers.
- While alone in a room with a female co-worker he shook up a magic 8 ball, celebrated over the answer he got, and then informed the female co-worker that he had asked the 8 ball if they would "get frisky" that evening.
- Approached me at my desk to ask me how a magic 8 ball works.
^^ Agreed.
About 98% of my co-workers lack any form of creativity and do not think outside of the box. I like to view things from different perspectives and analyze things from an artistic point of view. Seems like no one else in my office does that. They just go about their mundane lives.
i'm probably the strangest person at my workplace.
I think a high percentage of posters here could claim the same. I definitely could.
oddly enough, i may be the weirdo of the group on rttp.... but at work, i am considered on the sane side, compared to the other nutjobs here
post by c.DeAD at Dec 9,2008 4:00pm
Funny thing just happened, I was yelling on my phone to my GF about how I was pouring urine from a poland spring bottle into a piss cup and that I don't get paid enough to do that shit. So two mins. later the doctor comes out of the room I was fuming next to and says "Yeah, the patient I was just with said to me that guy needs to quit his job if he's doing that shit!"
A co-worker at my old job got fired for smoking weed in the parking lot while on his lunch break, but then funny part was him wondering why he got fired.
One time a girl got her ass kicked at a OBGYN office I was working at. She got housed so bad she had a black eye, bloodied nose and scratches all over her big white knockers.
kinda hot.
thats fuckin great. the greatest thing i ever saw was a chick fight
Not really weird, just stupid. I had been growing a beard for the last couple months and decided to shave it off yesterday. Sitting at my desk today, this dude came over and noticed it was gone, then asked "how'd you do that? Monday you had a beard, now you don't, how did you get rid of it?" I reply, "I shaved." His reply, "But how? It was pretty big on Monday, but now its gone."
The most recent stupid story I have is that on the coupons for my store, electronic items are exempt. This lady was ringing this guy up and asked me why the coupon wasn't working on this Norelco ELECTRIC shaver. I said 'Well, is it electric?' and \she replied 'I don't know I don't use them.'.
Not really weird, just stupid. I had been growing a beard for the last couple months and decided to shave it off yesterday. Sitting at my desk today, this dude came over and noticed it was gone, then asked "how'd you do that? Monday you had a beard, now you don't, how did you get rid of it?" I reply, "I shaved." His reply, "But how? It was pretty big on Monday, but now its gone."
you should have said you used gasoline and a match lit off his mothers ass.
my coworker is a devout christian. our boss is a devout aetheist. the christian had the radio tuned to a gospel station, our boss got back from lunch and rather than switching the station he grabbed the radio and smashed it to bits.
nah, there's only nine people total working here. He and the big boss(owner) have been friends for years. Another time he played me a cd of his band from the early eighties. It was a boombox recording, and at the end of his guitar solo you can hear him click off a pedal, I pointed that out to him and asked what kind of pedal it was. He said he didn't remember and started argueing with me that there was no clicking sound. Really getting pissed. So my coworker listened and agreed with me to which my boss took the cd out of the computer, broke it in half and said "Fuck it, I'll never be able to listen to that again, thanks BRAD!"
I was in shock, to which the other guys told me a bunch of similar stories of Greg freaking out. He's a cool guy, we go to the local bar most Wednesday's and drink and play guitar all night, but he's kind of fucked.
post by SW at Dec 10,2008 11:10pm
I work with a bunch of brazilians and one of them has been here 3 years and still doesn't speak any english. He took a shit at our shop and threw the shit-stained toilet paper in the trash instead of the toilet. My boss went to go to the bathroom and was fucking pissed when he saw shit paper laying there for everyone to see. My boss lined everyone up and told whoever did it to admit it, but no one did. Later that day when no one was around the brazilian dude goes up to my foreman and says:
brazilian: " Val very bad, very bad."
foreman: " Why?"
brazilian: " Val...bathroom...very bad"
Also my foreman drinks nothing but mountain dew all day, everyday.
I work with Mexicans, I get to hear grammatical blunders on a regular basis such as "My brother is a lot of stupid" and "Maybe this the shingles no good" and "This driving too much long".
Also my foreman drinks nothing but mountain dew all day, everyday.
I know a girl who sings in a band, and she drank mountain dew all the time for years until she started losing her voice. Mountain literally almost took away her ability to sing, she had to spend a year training with vocal coaches at a total cost of about $100,000 to learn to sing again. Mountain Dew is some bad shit.
There's a dude at my work who also drinks Mountain Dew all day, every day. I'll see him with a coffee cup and assume it's coffee...then I see him open it up and fill it with Mountain Dew. Dude carries around a fucking 2 liter bottle, and maybe a can or 20 oz. bottle in addition on some days, every fucking day. DIABEETUS.
post by Mike_Giallo(nli) at Dec 11,2008 2:06am
I fucking lovbe my co-workers. I work in a restaurants kitchen so we get all the scum that can't make it anywhere else. All drug addicts and thieves. Mental problems galore. I think the best thing had to be we put a piece of shit on a pizza and cooked it and made some kid eat it for 40 bucks worth of crack. That's the only thing that comes to mind right now there are countless others that might even be better.
post by Mike_Giallo(nli) at Dec 11,2008 2:07am
Some dude drinks so much soda constantly ever since he was a kid, he's 31 now, that he only had 4 teeth left. The soda rotted all of his teeth and they all fell out except 4 rotten green teeth. We call him Meth Mouth.
my coworker is a devout christian. our boss is a devout aetheist. the christian had the radio tuned to a gospel station, our boss got back from lunch and rather than switching the station he grabbed the radio and smashed it to bits.
Something like that happened at my place too. Except we were in the middle of a rush and our boss just got frustrated plus was crashing from blow so he walked up to us and smashed the radio on the floor and walked away. Same boss also slashed some black kids tires that works there one night.
Apparently the same dude's sister walked in on him penetrating a pillow...and he didn't stop.
I can beat that one too. Some kid I work with jacked off while watching his 14 year old sister make out with her boyfriend. He went into great detail about the noises she was making.
post by Mike_Giallo(nli) at Dec 11,2008 2:14am
Some girl died in the kitchen fro ma massive stroke and I was in the bathroom at the time. I walked out just to see her pass out then when everyone as screaming for help I slipt back into the bathroom so they wouldn't ask me for help. About 20 seconds after I go back into the bathroom my drug dealer calls to let me know he's outside so I walk out of the bathroom through all he mayhem to get drugs.
post by dftg at Dec 11,2008 9:23am
whereever the hell you walk, I'm not eating there. Ever.
Also my foreman drinks nothing but mountain dew all day, everyday.
I know a girl who sings in a band, and she drank mountain dew all the time for years until she started losing her voice. Mountain literally almost took away her ability to sing, she had to spend a year training with vocal coaches at a total cost of about $100,000 to learn to sing again. Mountain Dew is some bad shit.
seriously?
are they sure that's the cause.
god damn it! i love mountain dew.
granted, i only drink it once or twice a week....but still, i'm unhealthy enough as it is.
Apparently the same dude's sister walked in on him penetrating a pillow...and he didn't stop.
I can beat that one too. Some kid I work with jacked off while watching his 14 year old sister make out with her boyfriend. He went into great detail about the noises she was making.
Some girl died in the kitchen fro ma massive stroke and I was in the bathroom at the time. I walked out just to see her pass out then when everyone as screaming for help I slipt back into the bathroom so they wouldn't ask me for help. About 20 seconds after I go back into the bathroom my drug dealer calls to let me know he's outside so I walk out of the bathroom through all he mayhem to get drugs.
i saw a dude get hurt real bad at work once.....he died in the hospital later.
i was working in a carpet warehouse, there were these two temps working there - they were brothers - and one was leaning up against the others forklift, and another dude backed up into it.
i have never seen that much blood in my life.
he was screaming "God please help me", and crying for his mother and shit. it was kinda disturbing.
my supervisor asked me to clean up the blood afterwards, i told him to suck my dick.
I'm going to guess Mike works at the Stoughton Town Spa.
Haha yup. Is our reputation really that well known?
I hate to knock on somebody's work, but Town Spa sucks. The soda is always flat and wattery, the waitresses are all cunts, and even though every other person on the south shore raves about the pizza I'll never know, because every time I've gone there (regardless of time of day, or day of the week) the pizza is ice cold by the time it gets to me. If you're not some guido family of 9 that's going to put up a $150 tab no one gives a shit about you there. I think the last time I went there was the only time I ever purposely under paid a bill only because I knew it would take 20 minutes to get my change, and they definitely didn't deserve a tip.
It actually makes me very glad to know that you and your co workers are shadying up a place that makes its best white trash effort to come off as classy.
I used to get pizza from there for free and turned it down every time. It really is that bad. Venus cafe or Poopsie's are far better choices for bar style.
