Attention Marge Simpson, we've also arrested your older, balder, fatter son.



Simpsons quotes time. go!

"Press any key."
"Where's the Any Key?"

Oh I'm not a doctor.

"Owwww, OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, the bees are defending themselves somehow!"

Mr. Simpson are you wearing a garbage bag?

-I have misplaced my pants.

im kinda like jesus but not in a sacreligous way

Thanks to this fiesty feline.

bake 'em away, toys

And you took the Hamburglar's birthday off last Monday and Wednesday! Which is it?

"My eyes! The goggles! They do nothing!

“Take that, space coyote!”
"space coyote?"

I'm Mr. Snnnnnrub. Yes, that'll do.

"When a woman says nothing’s wrong, everything is wrong. And when a woman says everything’s wrong, EVERYTHING is wrong. And when a woman says something’s not funny, you better not laugh your ass off!"

more testicles mean more iron.

it tastes like burning

"My cats breath smells like cat food."

"you'll have to speak up, i'm wearing a towel"

Thats a good one, especially the end.

YES!

Rancho Relaxo.

-Daaad..your half-assed underparenting was a lot better than your half-assed overprenting.

-Aww.. But I'm using my whole ass.

here's an old one for you:
owww, quit it. owww, quit it. owwww, quit it. owwwwwwwww, quit it.

MOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!

You were not, you were just eatin that DAMN orange!

The finger thing means the taxes

THIS ENORMOUS WOMAN WILL DEVOUR US ALL!

Immigants! I knew it was them. Even when I thought it was the bears, I knew it was them.

i drink blue juice from under the sink.

- Do you have any fruit?

- This has purple in it... purple is a fruit.

it smells like otto's jacket.

I'm somewhere where I don't know where I am!

HAMBURGER EARMUFFS

Alright just stay calm Frinky. These babies will be in the stores while he's still grappling with the pickle matrix hooo hay vnn!!

I wash myself with a rag on a stick.

Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. i believe you have a letter for me.

ok Mr. Burns, whats your first name?

i don't know.

homer had a piece of food stuck on his face for 3 days...and it wasn't little either, it was a chicken wing.

why you're the fattest thing i've ever seen, and i've been on safari

"Marge, how could you let me let myself go like this?" "Me? I'm not the one who puts butter in your coffee!"

DOH!nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutttttttttttttttttttttt!

i heard your dad went into a restaurant and ate all the food in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant.

my dad may be overweight but he's not some food-crazed maniac.

oh thats raspberry.

Hey Beardo, vote Quimby.

I choo choo choooose you.

BOO DOO DEE The fingers you have used to dial are too fat.

Ooooh. The walls are melting again.

I was saying BOOUURRNS

don't you just hate pants?

they call em fingers but I've never seen em' fing, ....oh there they go

"there's very little meat in these gym mats"

“I know you're not a deaf-mute, Mr. Simpson. We've been talking for the last 20 minutes.”

The Germans are after me, I'm so scared, oooh the Germans!

YOU ARE NOW DEAF

FBI Agent- "When I tap your foot, and I say hello Mr. Thompson, you nod. Hello Mr. Thompson."

Homer(perplexed, and whispers to FBI Agent #2)- "I think he's talking to you."
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Homer- "Lisa, am I wearing pants?!"
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Loudspeaker at the Power Plant-"The following employees have been fired. Simpson, Homer. That is all."
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Homer-"MMMMMM, Gummy venus. *drools*
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Bart-"Who the hell names their kid Bort?"

Mother-"Get over here Bort."

Guy-"Were you talking to me?"

Mother-"No, my son is also named Bort!"

Later, when Homer and Bart are going through the detention center:

Guard-"ATTENTION! We are OUT of Bort license plates! I repeat, we are OUT of Bort license plates!"
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I really could go on all day. Great thread!

I want to see my face in that horse's ass.

Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?

Moe: No.

[buzz]

Moe: All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him.

[ding]

Eddie: Checks out. Okay, sir. You're free to go.

Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight.

[buzz]

Moe: A date.

[buzz]

Moe: Dinner with friends.

[buzz]

Moe: Dinner alone.

[buzz]

Moe: Watching TV alone.

[buzz]

Moe: All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog.

[buzz]

Moe: Sears catalog.

[ding]

Moe: Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment. [buzz]

i'll have these babies on the market while he's still grappling with the pickle matrix, GOIVIN GLAVIN!

Bart: Otto, you gotta do something! There's a gremlin on the side of the bus!

Otto: (Otto spots Hans Moleman driving an AMC Gremlin in the next lane) Eh, no problemo, Bart dude. I'll get rid of it. (Otto rams Molemen off the road)

Moleman: Oh, I only had two more payments left. (Car hits tree and blows up)

Otto: "What am I smoking? Oh yeah... pot"

Fat Tony: You guys have blundered into our secret tobacky patch.
Lenny: Wow! Is that wacky tobacky?
Fat Tony: The wackiest.

Wiggum: "All our founding fathers, astronauts, and World Series heroes have been either drunk or on cocaine."

Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)

Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.
Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.

Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

Homer: Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

Bart: b-6
Homer: you sunk my scrabbleship!
Lisa: this game makes no sense.
Homer: tell that to the good men who just lost their lives... SEMPER-FI!

Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.

Homer: Okay Marge, its your child against my child. The winner will be showered with praise. The loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore.

Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

Marge: Homer, is this how you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much, except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.

Homer: I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
Homer: Son, I'm proud of you! I was twice your age when I figured that out.

Nelson: Your manager says to shut up!
Robert Goulet: Vera said that?

Marge, do you have other men in the house? Radioactive men??

what did i tell you, about the SKOOching!

"I accidently ran over his dog"
"Really?"
"yeah, but replace the word accidently with repeately and the word dog with son"

Homer-"Otto spelled backwards, is Otto, haha."
Otto-"Now I'm scared."

Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers! hahahaha I forgot about that

Lisa-"Well you're gay for Moleman!"
Bart-"No, you're gay for Moleman!"




Moleman-"No one's gay for moleman."

Well I have some news for you sir..... something that may shock and discredit you.............I'M NOT WEARING A TIE

Homer i don't want you stalking anymore. its so illegal. where are you going?

i'm going outside to......stalk....Lenny and Karl.

Lenny and...........Karl

dah nuts. i mean.....dah nuts.

Every muscle in my body is gettin a workout... especially my big fat mouth!

Krusty: A man walks into a bar with a tiny piano and a ten inch pianist.

lets just say it moved me...TO A BIGGER HOUSE!
uuuh i said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet.

Ahoy hoy!

Homer; It feels good to tell the truth........no, I'm lying again, it feels baaad

See, I got this friend named... Joey Jo Jo... Junior... Shabadoo.

thats the worst name i've ever heard.

JOEY JO JO!

Marge do you think i'm stupid?

................................................no

ok!

wait a minute, why did it take you so long to answer?

....................................................no reason

ok!

wait a minute, are you humoring me?

.............................yes

ok!

wait a minute, thats bad!

Hahaha, yeah, I had to drag that one out. One of my all-time favs.

"man i could really go for a hot dog"

"Homer this is a cemetery"

"HOT DOGS! GET YOUR HOT DOGS HERE!"

"do you just follow my husband around?"

"lady he's putting my kids through college"

so i said to him, listen buddy...your car was upside down when we got here..and as for your grandma, she shouldn't have mouthed off like that.

The new issue of Gigantic Asses is in.

hahahahahahahahahahaha i can hear Apu's voice saying "Gigantic Asses".

yeah give me a large box of condoms, a bottle of Old Harper, a panty shield, someillegalfireworks aaaand, one of those disposable enemas. eh better make it two.

i'm sorry sir but the sale of fireworks is illegal in- follow me.