NEWS_ARTICLE.RttP{Diarrhea gun }

Here is a fun domestic terror tactic to use against people protesting a political convention: Fire a ray gun at a crowd of these ingrates and then laugh as they all convulse and then shit themselves and then disperse, to die, because their bowels have just been microwaved. Fox News says such weaponry will be deployed at this summer’s Democratic Convention in Denver.

Nothing says “hope” and “change” like using science-fiction weaponry on American citizens using their constitutional right to peaceably assemble, “and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.” And the First Amendment doesn’t even exclude FREE MUMIA signs, ineptly constructed puppets that don’t look anything like Bush or Gordon Brown or whoever, or those goddamned “WHOSE STREETS? OUR STREETS!” kids in their Misfits skull shirts from the Hot Topic shop in the mall.

From Fox News:

Political activists planning protest rallies at the upcoming Democratic Convention in Denver have their stomachs in knots over a rumor about a crowd control weapon - known as the “crap cannon” - that might be unleashed against them.

Also called “Brown Note,” it is believed to be an infrasound frequency that debilitates a person by making them defecate involuntarily.

This could be dismissed as handy Police State propaganda via Fox to discourage protesters from showing up at the DNC. (Having attended a few of these presidential conventions ourselves, we would also like to discourage protesters from attending because there’s no point, and nobody within the convention/hotel/party “green zone” is going to hear about your protests, let alone see them.) But a pro-government news outlet isn’t the only source for this weird story.

The ACLU has sued the City of Denver to find out what nefarious weaponry was purchased with $18 million in federal grant money for “DNC security.”

And a real microwave weapon developed by the Pentagon for “crowd dispersal” was tested in 2005 on Air Force personnel (we’re assuming they weren’t officers). At least two humans have been badly burned by the supposedly harmless weapon, including one airman who suffered second-degree burns and was later fed to Dick Cheney, who described the airman as “too old.”

Mad scientists have been making shitting machines for nearly a century. Or, Nikola Tesla made a shitting machine nearly a century ago, and comically tested it on his “friend” Mark Twain.