what are you stupidest things you've done to commit bodily injury on yourself. you know, the sort of thing where you are like "hey guys watch this..." or afterwards your like that after thought of clarity "why didn't I see that that was so stupid"

1) roller skating while 10 down a hill, falling backwards and snapping myself a second elbow. my arm looked like a set of stairs.

2) skateboarding (around 22-23) and falling down on my pocket knife leaving a pocket-knife size bruise and lump on my hipbone.

3) during eyes like autumn's live set at WUNH, I left the building and jumped off a cement wall so I didn't have to walk all the way around the construction. I had my elbow tilted back a little and caught it on the ground level cement after jumping off the railing. I got pictures of that one.

this could be funny... since we are all wicked smrt... er.. smart.

pretending to be marty jannety jumping off my couch and breaking my forearm in 3 places.

also attempting to trick shot a waterbottle in our bottle royale game and probably breaking my foot on the couch instead.

didn't have health insurance, was too afraid to check it out. I just walked it off and it still occasionally hurts like hell.

I went upstairs, left itunes on, come back down and hear bohemian rhapsody blasting at the part where wayne and garth always headbanged. So I kick in my door and jump into the middle of the floor.

land on my radio antennae which was broken and thus sharp. Stabbed my foot.

getting hit in the face by a baseball bat just above my eye

having my gauge ripped outta my ear

being hit in the face with hockey stick

yumm trying to go off a dirt jump and instead having the hill just absorb my bike and me hit it face first.

goddamn i miss my childhood ha

1. slid into third base once during a softball game ...wearing shorts.

2. attempted to do a backflip on a trampoline after smoking a massive blunt. my legs are still fucked up from that one 5 years later.

oh oh another one

while playing pittsburgh last summer we saw a basketball court in a private school so brian and i hopped the fence and then decide to play some homerun derby instead, while i jump back over the fence get the bat and ball. after attempting to jump back over the fence the footing gave away and my hand got impaled by the spikes ontop of the fence, playing that show later was awesome.

i've done far too many stupid things while blackout drunk. i usually wake up the next day with large bruises and bleeding wounds with no recollection of how they got there.

When I was 13 I tried to cut a bagel but was holding it wrong and slashed my wrist.

Well, that's embarassing...

When I was in third grade I was on a swim team. There was only one hot shower, so when practice was over I ran as fast as I could to get the shower. I finally got to it, turned it on in victory, and then slipped and broke my arm.

Let's see, I jumped off my bed when I was little cracking the shit out of my kneecap. Years later I was tooling around on my bike and some douche in a car almost hit me, and when I swerved to avoid being road pizza I hit the curb, fell off the bike and split my left kneecap in half. I spent an entire summer in a cast that went from just below my hip to my ankle. When I was home on my first military leave years later, I went to a metal show and snapped my kneecap in half again, this time in the pit. The next morning I had 22 ounces of blood and fluid drained from it and had to have arthroscopic surgery to remove bone fragments. My knee still hates me, and now you know why I can't play "wicked fast double bass, guy."

Here's another winner. A couple years back I went out to take some pictures on state land with "No Trespassing" signs everywhere, and when I was walking back to the main road behind the entry gate was a local cop car, waiting for me. I hoofed it through the woods and tried to hop a ravine which had a cheap man-made bridge across it. I stepped on the bridge, it snapped immediately in half and I fell both forearms first into the far edge of the concrete divider. I got fucked up pretty badly, the skin around the impact site on my arm swelled up to the size of a baseball and I had little rocks lodged in my skin. I still have the scars from that one.

did you get away from the copper?

I forgot about
4) carina saying "aaron hold the cat while I vacuum it."
"that isn't a good idea" -me
and now I have 2 scars to prove it!

the_reverend said:

I did indeed. I was soaked, lost my sunglasses (which I went back and got later, they were prescription, and FUCK losing $500 glasses.) and endured quite a lot of pain for a couple weeks, but I got away. I had my Minolta camera at the time, and the hot shoe got cracked, but it was in the case, so there was no water damage, that's all that happened.

jumping over a fence and impaling my hand on the points on top.

at age 12 i tried standing on the seat of my bike going down a hill, i lost a surprising amount of skin.

Yeti said:

i know your pain

Having a kid tell me what hardcore is about because they've been to some show at Roman's. Shit 20 years ago was weak.

Oh, physical pain or injury. Diving head first through a plate glass window because... ummm... no reason at all. Deciding to go fight a college hockey team with just one friend and then one of the pussies hits you with a steel pipe, crushing your nose and splitting your head open.

Growing up.
Priceless.

i clothes-line myself constantly on shit i misjudge as being over my head. on a couple of memorable occasions i have ended up taking my feet out from under me.

the perils of being 6'7" and a drunk...

hahaha i suffer the same plight. the doorway to my kitchen is about 6'2, and i am 6'5, so there have been many drunken occasions where i forgot about it. the ceiling on the commuter rail is also only about 6'4, so i bang my head on the doorways all the time.

Anyone over 6'0" tall is a neanderthal mongoloid that does not belong on this earth.

y_ddraig_goch said:

FOR THE WIN

Neandertals were actually short people.

horror_tang said:

Welcome to the Neanderthal mongoloid club, Tangy.

Age 8 or so, Mothers Day: Making a jigsaw puzzle for mom on (appropriately enough) the jigsaw. Cut my thumb down to the bone. Mom's present became the privilege of sewing me up while my dad sat on my arm. Lucky lady.

A few months ago, scorpion bowling: Throwing a pretend drunken tantrum due to multiple gutterballs. I throw myself bodily to the ground, where, unbeknownst to me, there is a stray ball. Land on said ball a half an inch away from my tailbone, shooting the ball out from between my legs (hitting fellow scorpion bowler) and leaving a huge and ridiculous brownish-purple bruise right next to my buttcrack - it looked like I had shit my pants for a week or two. (Scorpion bowling, for the uninitiated, consists of consuming many scorpion bowls at the shitty Chinese place, then bowling many low-scoring frames at the shitty candlepin bowling place down the street.)

A few weeks later, getting dinner: As recounted HERE, I slipped on a freakin' envelope on the tile floor, went down HARD, and dislocated the fuck outta my shoulder. It still pops funny, sometimes.

i must try this "scorpion bowlin" you speak of

FuckIsMySignature said:

It is made of epic and win.

[Kramer stops Dr. Cooperman at the door.]

Kramer: Yeah, excuse me, uh... You didn't by any chance recently get the

wrong license plates?

Dr. Cooperman: Yes. I'm still waiting for the motor vehicle bureau to

straighten it out.

Kramer: So...you're the Assman.

[Dr. Cooperman winks and heads back to where Frank is waiting]

Frank: It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million to one.

[Back at the Costanza's house, George and Frank are just walking in]

The first time I dislocated my knee...okay, every time I've dislocated my knee(s). Here's the timeline:

June of 2000, junior year of high school, last day of class before finals, the day before my road test, 3 days before my birthday, we played ultimate frisbee in gym because we could do whatever we wanted the last day. I made an astounding play (knocked the frisbee from some 6'5" kid catching it in the endzone; if he caught it, the other team would have won). So I thought I was all hot shit, went to pick up the frisbee, and when I pivotted my right foot stuck to the gross, old, rubber gym floor, causing my right knee to dislocate 1/4 of the distance around my leg. FUCKING AWESOME!

August of 2001, band practice in my basement. I lost my balance and almost impaled the other guitarist with my old Warlock, so in trying to regain balance, I slammed my right foot down in an awkward manner on a brick hearth we have in the basement. Pop goes the kneecap. I should have just impaled the other guitarist because he was a fucking shithead.

July 4th of 2003, a few bandmates, myself, and my cousin went to Saquish, a private beach. My cousin wanted to show off and tried to wrestle my old drummer (who had a record of 17-1-1 in high school wrestling the year before). Clearly, he got his salad tossed. Then, my cousin had to regain his manhood by trying to wrestle me. I told him no firmly about 50000000000 times until it got to the point where I was so pissed off that I wanted to slam him on his face, so I gave in. He couldn't take me down, until he wrapped his leg around mine and twisted. Woohoo, another dislocation! The 2 times before, I didn't have the stomach to re-locate my knee, but since I was on a private beach that had the bumpiest, roughest terrain to get back to civilization, I knew I had to bite the bullet. Before I even hit the ground I just whipped my leg out straight and pushed my knee back in place.

April 15th, 2006, I was playing with Sexcrement in Allston. About 2 minutes into our first song, a very, very large man (about horror tang's size), fell down with all of his weight on my left leg, perfectly positioned to dislocate my knee. So I had to have the drummer straighten my leg out, then I popped it back in place, and played the rest of the show sitting down with a bag of ice on my knee. I am going to cut my legs off before I get old.

In 8th grade, we were playing floor hockey in gym class. Some kid on the other team was about 5 feet from the goalie, and I was right behind him. I figured, "No worries, he can't take a slapshop from here so I'm safe." I was wrong. He wound up and slammed the blade of the stick right in between my eyes. I didn't realize for a few minutes that my face was covered in blood, leaving a trail of blood all over the gym floor. Of course no one told me because I went to junior high with a bunch of douchebags. That was awesome.

Junior year of high school, I was cutting some board with a brand new Xacto knife in art class. My left index finger was juuuust hanging over the edge of the ruler I was using to cut, and I almost sliced the tip off. I never realized how much blood you could lose from a cut on a finger until I started fainting in the nurse's office, haha. Learning how to play guitar without an index finger was odd for the next few months after that.

In 7th grade, I was trying to hop over a desk in math class but failed miserably when my foot caught the bar that holds the desktop on the chair. I fell hard face first but put my arm in the way. My arm felt like shit, but I never told anyone so who knows what the hell happened to it, haha. I just sucked it up and took some ibuprofen for a few weeks and after that I think I was fine.

In 4th grade, we had a Halloween parade in our school. I was a ghost, and the kid behind me was Dracula. He kept stepping on my shoes purposely; when we were coming around the gym, he stepped on my shoe and I tripped face first into the corner of a concrete wall. The white sheet I was wearing quickly turned red and screams ensued.

The same kid who did that threw one of those heavy rubber Bart Simpson dolls at me in math class; it weighed about 8 pounds. I was fucking pissed, so I threw it back at him, threw a desk at him, and hit him in the face as hard as I could with a hardcover math book. It ruled, because I didn't get in trouble.

That same kid also kicked a chainlink fence while another kid was climbing over it to get a soccer ball. He lost his balance and fell onto the chainlink fence, all weight on his fucking balls. I'm sure he can't have children.

Every time I ever heard Hatebreed, ever.

1. One time i was using an xacto knife and decided to put it in my pocket needles to ssay they rip open your hand pretty good and i still have a scar under my thumb.
2.(this one wasnt my fault) On the way back from lunch in highscool some one through a bottle half full of juice at me. yep a PLASTIC bottle split my head wide open and i was covered in blood. Few staples later and im fine i even pulled em out myself haha

I went down a flight of stairs in my chair, on a bet. Lost my balance and hit the back of my head on every step going down, I think 6 total. Teenagers will do anything for money haha

babyshaker nli said:

Something like this happened to me. My girl and I are coming home from who knows where, and we're horsing around on our way from the car to the house. She's squirting me with one of those Poland Springs sports bottles, and I'm trying to grab the bottle. I grab for it, she jerks it away. I come around behind her to try a different angle, just as her arm (with the bottle) comes around. WHAM - tip of the sports bottle, RIGHT between the eyes, right across the bridge of my nose. Dazed me a little bit (she managed to crack me pretty good), so I'm kinda holding my nose and trying to shake the stars away. She's goes, "oh my god, are you ok?" I say "I'm not sure," and take my hand away - FOUNTAIN of blood. She split me wide the fuck open with that stupid plastic bottle. I looked like a friggin' prizefighter the next morning, with the dumbest story ever to explain why.

Dwellingsickness said:

please tell me there is video of this.

that was in times before beta.

DestroyYouAlot said:

Damn those plastic bottles!!

I tripped over a plastic beer bottle that someone left on the floor at the Palladium a few weeks ago. One of my legs twisted, and I fell, smashing both of my knees onto the concrete floor, one knee worse than the other. I ended up with a pretty bad knee injury. Driving myself to the hospital the next day was not fun. Apparently, I messed up the cartilage underneath my kneecap. It was beyond stupid.

picking up Brittney who is all but 95 lbs at O'Briens, trying to give her a helicopter spin, getting pushed at the same time causing my knee to buckle out then falling down and having her entire body fall on my dislocated knee. then I popped it in wrong, got up and jumped on it a few times, then played a set.

ow

the_reverend said:

I am not that old, Rev

doing a behind the back guitar throw with my old Randy Rhodes v.

Thing flies right around and the small lower horn smashes right into my balzaac.

Yeti said:

I don't think there was any video of this, pictures maybe, I'll have to look haha.

ok todd, I'm sorry.. it was the time of beta.

haha

1) 7 years old: similar to brian's story...pretending i was a wrestler, i did an elbow drop off of a swing set. my left forearm landed between me and the tip of a rock in the ground. broke the forearm, went home to tell my mom and she didn't believe me, so had me wait to see how it was in the morning. wake up in the morning with an arm the size of a 2 liter. go to the hospital to find out it was broken.

2) 12 years old: riding my bike down a hill, i see a 5-6 foot dirt pile and try to ride over it going way too fast. i sail over the thing at like 20 mph and hit the ground from about 7 feet up. smash my ballzac on the main bar and hit my chin on the handlebar, biting off the tip of my tongue. swimming later that day was a grand ole time.

3) 12 years old: sledding at my dad's house when there had just been a snowstorm that dropped about 6" of snow but left a decent coating of ice on the top layer, so it was essentially an oil slick for sleds. on one trip, my 5 year old brother is rolling toy firetrucks over the ice and one slides into my way as i'm going head first. i hit it out of the way but lose balance and am well on my way to a plethora of prickers. i try to grab a small tree to stop my momentum but am too close and jam my right wrist. waaaay broken.

4) 14 years old: riding a skateboard down said hill. get the speed wobbles. broke the same wrist as the sledding incident.

5) 15 years old: at a bmx jumping pit there's an old mountain bike that all the cool, older kids throw around and damage. i try to do the same and grab the bike by the handlebars, swing it around to my back, and launch it over my head. the tip of the seat nails me in the back of the head and i end up in the hospital with a gaping wound that resulted in my losing a part of my skull.

6) 21 years old: go in a mosh pit. right leg is out too far. some guy stomps on it. broken tibia and fibula, and a dislocated ankle. i can finally run again!(not that i ever do)

there's way more too but i can't remember them all right now due to an excessive amount of vino.

hilarious side note for retarded incident #3. i tell my brother to go up to the house and get my stepmother cause i know it's broken, and he proceeds to do so. after watching him walk up to the top of the hill, i see him grab a sled and start sledding again.

I had an epidural for my second kid, one that allows you to control the pain with a press of a button... I never pressed the button. Giving Birth = Bad Idea

i fell off a 7 foot wall and landed on my side... biting my tongue in the process. 305 lbs + falling = fucking OUCH. then i walked a good 2 miles to get to my car to pick up the other babies that fell and actually landed on their feet and caught themselves from falling completely...

MassOfTwoSlits said:

women = bad idea

I think I was about ten and hanging out at a park near my house with my cousins when this happened. In the park there was a huge tree covered in thorns on this day I finally decided I was sick of always being afraid of crashing into the tree when we went sledding there. So I kick the tree really hard, thinking that at least my thunderous front kick will jar some of the thorns loose. Nope, nothing. So I walk back up the hill and as we're walking back to my house my cousins notice that I'm leaving a trail of blood on the sidewalk. They look at the bottom of my sneaker and see one of the thorns embedded in my shoe, I try to take the shoe off but can't because I'm pretty much nailed to it so we have to remove the thorn and then take my sneaker off. When my cousin pulls the thorn out of the shoe I passed out from the pain. When I woke up my doctor was telling my about how the the thorn wedged between my second and third metatarsals and nearly came out of the top of my foot.

There's been so many of them, mostly skateboard-related, but this was the winner:

Arm-wrestling for drinks at a bar -- resulting in left arm spiral fracture. Not pretty.

Backyard wrestling, fucked up my knee something fierce on a botched powerslam.

you know those pegs on the wall at guitar center that hold picks? well....

i worked at guitar center a few years back, and we were all punching each other. i ended up trying to dodge a punch, and in doing this i jumped backwards. as i jumped up and back towards the wall, the hook ripped through my pants and entered my asshole. i was literally raped by an inanimate object.

joey umbrella said:
+A MILLION

Edit: So, did you leave it there on the wall? Tell me you left it there.

MassOfTwoSlits said:

Is that how you got two slits?

it is there to this day

I got second degree burns on both of my hands when I was like 2 because I put my hands directly on a very hot grill.

Revocation said:

Some would argue that this was a mistake.

joey umbrella said:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Good fucking lord!!!

A few years ago, in an old band's practice space, we were fucking around with some golf clubs we found. I noticed that I almost hit about an 8' fluorescent light, so I made sure the next time I raised the golf club, it didn't hit the light. Even though I checked the next time I raised the club, I hit the light anyway and it all came crashing down on my head. My head was just a field of fine cuts. That was awesome.

dude..

during kickball in third grade I somehow managed to have my achilles tendon pull my heel bone off of my foot. I then spent the next 2 months playing kickball while running directly on my cast, which was apparently not good for the healing process. when the doctor took the cast off and I tried to walk, it pulled the bone right back off and I fell of my face.

occasionally when I go to mute a cymbol it decides to slide halfway under my thumbnail. it usually takes about a week before i can pick something up.

i also once hyper-extended my shoulder trying to cheat at a carnival basketball game

TheFilthyFrenchman said:

Cymbal cuts are the worst thing ever to happen to a human. I don't know what the fuck they put in those things, but every single cut I've ever received from a cracked and/or broken cymbal has gotten infected to fuck.

TheFilthyFrenchman said:

That's what you get for cheating, cheater.

the secret is feces.

the_reverend said:

Way to ruin the secret.

Jimmy Justice said:

Hence, the use of the word mongoloid.