Forum.RttP{I'd like to propose I have the most annoying co-worker ever}

I'd like to propose I have the most annoying co worker ever. His name is Jim. He's a big fat guy with no mobility, or work ethic whatsoever. He goes to ridiculous lengths to avoid work, but goes to even more ridiculous lengths to score free food. If you're doing a job with him he'll come up with an excuse to leave the room, or stir up a conversation with someone just long enough for you to finish the job. On top of that he insists he's employee of the decade and everyone owes him everything.

He wanders around the office trying to strike up conversations with everyone. Only the conversations aren't actual conversations. It's you sitting there while he tells you some annecdote about how smart he is, or all these made up connections he has in the government, or how the CIA wanted to recruit him. He leans over my shoulder while I'm on the internet and starts bugging me about what I'm doing. One time he actually asked me about my band, and it ended up being a 30 minute one sided conversation about how he worked at a library in Gloucester. When he eats his "lunch" (he has 1 meal that he brings and eats in the office, he also leaves the office for an hour for "lunch" and snacks all day long) he eats it 2 feet away from me facing the garbage can by my desk and narrating his whole meal.

he likes to come in just late enough to miss important jobs that require heavy lifting. when he comes in he tells his fairy tale excuses to everyone in the office individually and then feigns anger when he "realizes" he missed the big job we had to do. seriously it's "Hey you guys didn't do that job yet? [the job having been done for over an hour now]... DAMN! DAMN!!"

NOTE: I just had to stop typing this for 10 minutes because he sat himself down next to me for another stellar conversation. It started with him asking me about my Madball hat. Literally the next sentence was "My friends keep saying they're gonna knock me out and dress me up in one of those Star Trek uniforms...ya know in like Star Trek 2 - 6?"

One time he took a month off for medical leave for hurting himself "on the job." It turned out he hurt himself trying to bring a food platter back to the office.

One time he disappeared from the office for like 2 hours, and when my boss called him out on it he went around telling everyone he had diherrea (with all the details), and had to leave. He left work at like noon and called in sick the next day. Apparently he does this every time he gets in trouble for disappearing.

Every once in a while he'll get all gung ho and insist on doing a job that anyone else could be doing. Without fail it always turns out to be a job with a big food spread.

Today I had to do a job with him setting up this peice of equipment that he has like 8 years experience on me setting up. He couldn't do any of it, and I had to hold up one leg of it for him just so he could put the screws in. I had a whole leg assembled before he even finished with the 2nd screw. It took way too long because every time he's involved there ends up being 3 extra steps to everything. My supervisor finally showed up and we both looked like idiots for not having it done.

There's a billion more stories and I've only been here since March.