ex SHALLOWS AND FLATS, ex HEURISTIC

guitars that go weeeee.

check it out

http://www.myspace.com/theaupair

oh hey i heard about this band, handsome guys.

nice

mark is such a good drummer

It took forever to finally hear a song. But it was worth it.

bump.

bump. if anyone is setting up any shows with 15 min openings were going to start playing out. basement whatever........

bump again for feedback.

lots of instumental masturbation. not alot of music. not a fan.

What the fuck is that name? Seriously it doesnt make me want to listen to it. Just sound like another scremo-emo-faky-metalcore bullshit.

armageddann nli said:


good idea, judging bands based on their name is the best way to find music that's worthwhile

i don't think she was judging it. i think she was just saying she views it as a turn off to potential fans. if a band had the name Xx As Twilight Bleeds Dying xX and was an awesome prog-black band up my alley, i probably wouldn't give them a chance if i only heard the name. i'd assume it was metalcore.

personally, au pair doesn't conjure up thoughts of screamo or metalcore, but i understand ann's point.

I think all you faggots should just make out with each other. I'll be in the corner jacking off with a coal miner's glove.

screamo..hahaha.

ok for the second time.

ex shallows and flats(check RTTP for mp3s)

ex heuristic(parapraxes on black box recordings)

http://www.myspace.com/theaupair

not alot of music. more jackoff sessions with gear.

I dont care what you sound like, I'm just sick and tired of stupid and totally unappealing names.

Sounds kind of like....Shallows and Flats.

armageddann nli said:

what sort of band names are appealing to you armageddann nli?

This is totally question of personal likings, I know that...Something with a meaning, at least, and one word, preferably, something striking. I mean I wont forget Au Pair's name that's for sure, cause it is really bad. I mean seriously guys, why did you pick that name? Does any of you have an history as an au pair that it might be such a life sharing experience you had to name your band after?

so you're saying Tormentor or Bruce Banner had "life sharing experience" that made them name their bands that?

It's not what I meant. Godammit, do I have the right to think this name is stupid or what? You dont have to be all bent out of shape about it, it's just the opinion of one asshole...Plently names I dont like, this one just top them all.

you have an opinion, i admire that. and you can dislike the band name. thats fine. but...hows the music? did you give that a shot or were you totally pussy hurt about the name?

btw..i lost my username due to password malarky..so i am not Desperado no more..i am the mighty Joshua Au Pair! shake the baby!

nannys are totally grind

im sure josh has shared a live experience with grinding nannys

Joshua Au Pair said:

I was thinking about this before turning the computer on "oh you should probably check the band out if you keep bitching about the name", now I dont have time I'm about to go out. But it seriously turned me down right away...it might be totally stupid but it's a fact.

its not stupid. its what turned you off. but just see around that name and check the music out.

shaking babies is tough as hell, especially if you're an au pair.

Sorry we have open minds and dont really care about what out name means - lame guys.
If you dont enjoy what were doing, dont write about it - we dont give a fuck.
And about the musical masturbation comment - this is an unfinished demo, we have lots of mixing and more tracks to add... INCLUDING VOCALS. Dont voice your opinion if youre going to be a dickhead.

Nick aupair said:


I agree with you mostly, dude. And I personally like the stuff. However, as far as the musical masturbation comment goes I think you need to expect that some people are going to say things like that just based on tastes. Telling people to not voice their opinions is a little lame, in my opinion. Think of it as an opportunity to have a little fun or laugh it off if you don't really care.

All that bullshit aside, good stuff.

brian_dc said:


On second thought, I agree with you - and see what you mean.

the malden school system heavily encourages the use of hyphens in all sentences.

straight outta tha practice space yo! where's our power?!!!!!

FUCK EM FUCK RAVAGE!!! AND FUCK AU PAIR!!!! :-)

the earth.com

Everyone shut up. Seriously give this band a litsen. You'll mostlikely see them playing with proteus in the near future I hope.

armageddann nli said:

Did you hear the music? Cause you're right on the money!

PS:

Influences: Candiria


Please fucking die!

bump for nanny grinding madness.

OK. This is just not my taste.
I'd rather stick with Lightning Bolt.

*I'm not saying you're bad
*If you can't take negativ criticism why did you record?
*I should have swear less in my comments.

mmmm...lightning bolt

it's masturbationally sounding like s&f.

I think the name works well..

Youre all lame assholes anyway, eat shit.

Bahahaha... It's not our fault your band is le suck.

Do you play an instrument?

Haha is this turning into one of those discussions now?

I can't play my bass for shit, but I can write a memorable non-metalcore song at least.

i think everyone should stop arguing and start grinding.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING.

I agree with the grinding.

nyckz0r said:

you would

this is jim btw.

Oh and Alec, power should be on soon - mass ele never sent us a bill.

Fine, where are some actual Grind bands then?!?!?

First person to say THROWING SHRAPNEL gets a slap in the face.

Bahaha...

This kid is pisssssed, watch out RTTP!

THROWING SHRAPNEL!!! WHAT NOW MUTHA FUCKA!!! GET YOUR POSSE!!!! insert random image of insane clown posse here!!

nick, get over yourself. everyone knows you suck the most at guitar out of anyone.

I know =(

BestialOnslaught said:

haha thats actually me, the angry nick is the other nick.
i could care less about any of this to each thier own.

feel free to add me also BESTIAL ONSLOAUGHT, i can hook you up with some underage myspace whores.

nick d, the guitar nick... youre being a douche on this message board..you fucking need to grow some balls and take the punches. no band is going to become instant super heros on a message board. and your attitude isnt helping. people have opinions..and fuck..they are all going to make my day alot better if i admire that and not blow up cause my tone sucks or my band name is not lathered in X's or mentions some sort of STD reference. youll learn this from experience nick d. just behave yourself nick d. respect me. respect the band. respect others.

you owe my 75 push ups next practice.

it does sound like s&f. haha why wouldnt it? its me and markus.

eat penis =)

Haha you dudes are alright.

If you could care less about this, why are you posing like an emo-mary in that picture?

Are we supposed to convey the depth of your sorrow and emotions from this image? Or are you being ironic?

if you dont have a picture like that..youve never tasted sweet internet pussy..now have you?

I've tasted on and offline pussy for a decade or more, and did not need a fashion-core image to do so, nor any image, since I am one of the ugliest goddamn people ever.

But I believe you were referring to MySpace pussy. Have fun with that.

Hahah! Brilliant.

DrinkHardThrashHard said:

what does my picture have to do with me caring less of what people think of my band? why is your list of bands so long?
does saying you listen to 8,000 random obscure underground german black metal bands validate your uber kvltness?
i hope by the time im 31 ill be past judging random people on an internet message board.



oh and this picture right here is pretty 'emo' also:

I look at that and think "this dood's got a video game problem"

DrinkHardThrashHard said:

Poetry in motion!

nick said:

If you read the caption BELOW that picture, brainiac, you will see that I am making fun of EMO, MySpace poses and my 'failure' to reach such lofty heights.

DrinkHardThrashHard said:

cheer up, im sure you have plenty of good qualities!

"take a byte out of online pussy"
or
"110101010101001001010101111101101111010010100010101010101
0101010101010111111011010110111101010010101010111101111111
0110101010110100101010101011010101010101111101010101011101
0101101010101111010101010101011010101010100101100000100010
00001001000101010100101"

which is from a taste of silver song.

DrinkHardThrashHard said:

sorry i was far too busy reading and attempting to pronounce your pretentious list of black metal bands nobody outside of your basement cares about.

nick said:


One of which is the fact that I am not 'le poseur!'

nick said:

In other words, they have a lot in common with your band?

DrinkHardThrashHard said:

i cant believe im having an online argument with a 31 year old about how i look.
please go back to beating off and playing everquest.

this arguement is less interesting that rusted angel vs. eric peone or rusted angel vs. josh martin

i reach out my arm and offer my myspace whores to old metal dudes in need and this is how they repay me!

all he wants is a hot cleric with a cloak of multiple orgasms who also likes taking his cane in her forbidden hole.

i am leveling up now.

goodnite to this thread.

i see where it has gone..and its as close to shitting the matress.

nick said:

Hahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!

nick said:

Oh, it's not Everquest...it's those beautiful pics you took of yourself.

the_reverend said:

Where is Rusted Angel when I need him?!?!?

Actually, Nick rules and we are just fucking around.

And clerics are for sissies! Rogues do it from behind.

the_reverend said:

You're actually 100% spot on. That is definitely my problem, though I can't remember which obscure game from whatever system I was playing at that moment.

How bout the band's credentials:

Shallows and Flats - totally brutal and interesting grind
The Heuristic - obscenely talented grind

And if you wanna talk about stupid names, how many of you metal nerds listen to Old Man's Child? Amon Amarth? Blind Guardian? Pretty spooky.

This band's creds speak for themselves, and at the very least warrant a listen. Most of you kids have your heads so far up Burzum's asshole you wouldn't be able to hear it anyways.

I didn't say a thing about their name. And, hey...Blind Guardian grows on you after awhile.

old man's child is undoubtibly the worst band name. I remember when that dimmu split came out and tim lang was like "yeah, the name is stupid, but listen to this"

haha mike..you are stressing what i have been trying to.

thanks man.

ew

art grind

XmikeX bored at work said:


As far as I know I'm the only one who bitch about their name. Now I dont like it, I dont like it and what else? It also doesnt mean that it's not the only band name I dont like.

XmikeX bored at work said:

DrinkHardThrashHard said:

haha i dunno man. my roomate is always pushing Blind Guardian on me. All I can think about every time I hear the name is a bunch of acne ridden nurlers running around Plymouth Plantation in home made RPG costumes.

FIREBALL! FIREBALL!

armageddann said:

i can't keep up with you people anymore.

nick said:

i dont think he listens to the bands he likes because other people might like them too... i think he has a cool list of music and I check it out sometimes when I cant think of anything to look for on soulseek hah

i hate it when grind and -core art fags act all holier than thou towards metalheads. metal > everything

I love how much retardedness the band's name generated. It is the exact same principle as judging a book by it's cover.

And why would pointless masturbation be a bad thing? This kind of music is about fun. So when you see a band have fun using their physical abilities, and people having fun watching,or listening to them do it. There isn't anything wrong with that. So at this point when I see someone making comments geared torwards downing anyone who writes or listens to that kind of thing, it makes me think comments like that are out of jealousy.

The idea of someone being musical is completely subjective.

"sorry i was far too busy reading and attempting to pronounce your pretentious list of black metal bands nobody outside of your basement cares about. "

Nick, that was the funniest thing youve ever said.
gj

i hate it when metalheads feel superior to everyone because they have the most obscure band on the block.

i like metal and grind.

XmikeX bored at work said:

I thought it was Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt?!? LARP gamers are a small niche in a much greater picture, yet still manage to make everyone else look bad. Blind Guardian has nothing to do with it. So they like Lord of the Rings, big deal, I'm sure you watched those films.

slowlypeelingtheflesh said:

So do I.

As for the 'unpronouncable' bands, about 80% of the bands on that list are not black metal, and not even obscure, unless you have been living in a cave for 10-30 years.

au pair < ken haskell < time of die.

seeing as me and mark were in Shallows and Flats and the Heuristic together...you've probably seen us, and or know us. if you dont...you just might be surprised at a show. anyone want to book the Au Pair????

DrinkHardThrashHard said:

now you know how I feel every time I get lumped in with some camo hat wearing, two stepping, 7thdagger.com jocking, bridge nine message board lurking, shitty tattoo myspace picture taking, fat girlfriend diddling trendy hardcore boner nerdarrio. haha.

if mike wore a camo hat, no matter what, milk would come out of my nose.

tbone_r nli said:

hahahaha i love you tom.

Come on people, let's not be retarded. I don't know who SHALLOWS AND FLATS are, but there is NOTHING remotely Grindcore about either THE HEURISTIC or AU PAIR.

BestialOnslaught said:

You should really just quit while you're ahead.

You listen to THE RED CHORD. That explains a lot.

im sorry the red chord isnt kvlt enough for you :(

They're obviously just far too Grind for me to handle!

The Red Chord are terrible and their singer is a whiny faggot and it would be nice to hear about him getting killed.

hey thats cool. whatever.because you know every band that isnt underground black metal to you isnt cool, no problem

i dont listen to just the four bands on my playlist

hahaha

What are you laughing at? You're not witty.

I don't even listen to black metal?

slowlypeelingtheflesh said:

what a poser, you listen to fake Grind bands like........ Cephalic Carnage.

I BET YOU THINK DARKTHRONE IS FROM SWEDEN!!! LVL!

I bet he thinks In Dire Need is grind and Back of the Neck are old school hardcore! LOL?

I'll bet his thinks his Kevin Millar beard makes him look sophisticated. ROFL.

What? Even if I knew who that was I wouldn't understand what you wrote.

You think this guy looks sophisticated? He looks like a faggot jock to me.

Joe/NotCommon said:

that's pretty harsh.

I wish you were smarter so we could compete on the same level. Go back to sports and metalcore.

"Compete on the same level." Whatever you say. I'll brush up on my rhetoric and have classsical debates with you when I'm done playing rugby with 18 Visions or whatever you think I do all day.

By the way there Aristotle, your tie is crooked.

Okay let me know when your rugby match is over, but will you still have time to choreograph your mosh moves with the friends til death gang?

I don't give a shit about my tie.

Joe/NotCommon said:

obviously.

you two are in love. admit it

hahaha

joe, i wasnt even talking about you.

Nick things he's such a big man with his new GQ haircut and Rich Berte shows no respect

haha this is almost lambgoat of 2 years ago.

creepy.

the singer of this band used to create booty-shaking symphonies with fruity loops, i miss those days. enter the house.

here's my two cents
1: you are all gay
2: alex is a nice guy. books good shows and listens to good metal, not bad metalcore.
3: he doesn't like my band, word that cool. we're not a grind band. he calls us a DEP rip off. i don't mind people hating heuristic.
4: the red chord is very fucking gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
5: most of you guys need to get off the internet, and this messageboard, it's making aaron look bad.
6: i love mark and josh. hugs and kisses from internet world.
keep the dream alive guys. high five

Haha...

I <3 George!

fenriz would punch you in the face for owning a computer

If he saw Honeypump in my browser history anyway.

i play guitar in an art fag grind band
and i think burzum is better than whatever you listen to
I'M THE MISSING LINK, I CAN FIX THIS THREAD GUYS

hahahaha

pin curls if your recording on tuesday ill be there

you know it twinkle toes
i'll call you tuesday

deep space nine

i will be there when it's on

donnybrook.

XmikeX bored at work said:

i was honestly just thinking the same thing