Ass Hat
Home
News
Events
Bands
Labels
Venues
Pics
MP3s
Radio Show
Reviews
Releases
Buy$tuff
Forum
  Classifieds
  News
  Localband
  Shows
  Show Pics
  Polls
  
  OT Threads
  Other News
  Movies
  VideoGames
  Videos
  TV
  Sports
  Gear
  /r/
  Food
  
  New Thread
  New Poll
Miscellaneous
Links
E-mail
Search
End Ass Hat
login

New site? Maybe some day.
Posting Anonymously login: [Forgotten Password]
returntothepit >> discuss >> The gods told me to stay home yesterday so thats what i did. by Christraper on Dec 7,2004 11:14am
Add To All Your Pages!
toggletoggle post by Christraper at Dec 7,2004 11:14am
What a wierd fuckin weekend!!!!! Jesus fuck dude! Rather embarrassing but ill tell you anyways because if this shit happened to anyone other than me id think it was fuckin hilarious.

So to start off saturday afternoon im in the bathroom performing my usual male grooming ritual and i happened to notice i was starting to grow a wooly mamoth down there and was in desperate need of a trimming. (SHUT UP I KNOW ALL YOU GUYS GIVE YOUR JUNK A HAIRCUT EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE! AT LEAST I DONT SHAVE!!!!)

Well as we all know this occured on a day that ends with "y" so of course i was stoned when i proceeded to trim the hedges and Im sure you can all see where this is going so ill just say it. I CUT MY BALLSACK OPEN WITH THE SCISSORS! Holy shit that hurt!! And not two seconds before i did it i was thinking to myself
"Wow jay you almost cut your ballsack open there. You should be more careful. Maybe next time you shouldnt smoke before OW OH MY GOD!!! DID I REALLY JUST...OH SHIT!!!!! NO STOP BLEEDING!!! FUCK!!!! OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

So its not like by nuts were hanging out of my sack but theres was definitely an open hole in it all weekend. Im not deformed or anything. Everything still works and it seems to be healing nicely but holy shit that really sucked!!

So monday rolls around and i go outside to warm up my car before leaving and i ended up locking my keys in the car with the engine running. Then i realize very soon afterwards that i locked my self out of the house because my house keys were with my car keys. So after waiting 2 hours outside first thing in the morning for AAA to get there i decided that i was NOT going drive an hour to work even though i wouldnt have been able to anyways since my gas ran out while i was waiting for AAA.

So i stayed home and got retarded. A few hours after my roomates get home i get a call on the phone from someone who claims to be with the Providence Police Dept. This guy tells me that someone has filed a sexual harrassment charge againt my cell phone number and that i need to come down and fill out a report. The only people i call on my phone are the guys in my band and my girlfriend and im pretty sure none of them are going to charge me with sexual harrassment. So i asked my roomate to give me a ride to the police station because by then i was in no condition to drive. When i got there the lady at the information desk had no idea what i was talking about, never heard of the guy who called me, and wasnt very eager to help me find out if someone wanted to see me. So i dont know whats up with that. And my nuts still hurt.




toggletoggle post by the_reverend   at Dec 7,2004 11:21am
ahahaha



toggletoggle post by Abbath at Dec 7,2004 11:25am
wow that was such a sweet story



toggletoggle post by paganmegan   at Dec 7,2004 11:28am
thats one candid account right there



toggletoggle post by paganmegan   at Dec 7,2004 11:29am
I stubbed my toe really hard over the weekend and threatened to kill my roomate because the little bitch hairdresser was complaining about something and I was turning red with pain

but that doesn't top this story by any means



toggletoggle post by assuck   at Dec 7,2004 11:33am
at least your nuts didnt plop out, forcing you to stuff em back in

that would suck



toggletoggle post by Christraper at Dec 7,2004 11:38am
Yea im really glad i didnt try it while i was tripping or something.



toggletoggle post by succubus  at Dec 7,2004 11:46am
triple A took 2 hours...usually it's 1



toggletoggle post by Christraper at Dec 7,2004 11:47am
succubus said:
triple A took 2 hours...usually it's 1

apparently i wasnt the only one having a shitty day



toggletoggle post by Josh_hates_you  at Dec 7,2004 12:29pm
you voluntarily went to the police station?

what a retard.



toggletoggle post by assuck   at Dec 7,2004 12:50pm
well if i was being accused of sexual harassment, i'd wanna find out what was going on as soon as possible, especially if i was fucked up, cause i'd get all vigilant about it and be like "I ONLY SNIFFED HER HAIR ONCE, I SWEAR!"




toggletoggle post by Christraper at Dec 7,2004 1:08pm
I really have no idea who would press charges against me and the guy was like "im not able to give that information over the phone" or something so of course i went down. I already went down once so fuck it. If it was real and they need to see me they can go lookin for me.



toggletoggle post by armageddonday   at Dec 7,2004 1:19pm
Did you get a blowjob?



toggletoggle post by Christraper at Dec 7,2004 1:21pm
no. i got laid but no blowjob for christraper.



toggletoggle post by ram_girl  at Dec 7,2004 3:14pm
Christraper said:
no. i got laid but no blowjob for christraper.




Then thats why you had a bad weekend.....why be trimming it, if no one is going to be wading through it!

You know you should try some of those trimmers instead of scissors, they work wonders!



toggletoggle post by Christraper at Dec 7,2004 3:35pm
ram_girl said:
Then thats why you had a bad weekend.....why be trimming it, if no one is going to be wading through it!

You know you should try some of those trimmers instead of scissors, they work wonders!

Hahaha! Yea doll thats exactly why i had a bad weekend! It had absolutely nothing to do with the hole in my nutsack. And i still trim it because id prefer not to look like a walk-in from Quest For Fire whenever i take off my clothes. I do have a trimmer but the batteries had run out that day because my fuckin roomate unplugged it.




toggletoggle post by ram_girl  at Dec 7,2004 3:55pm
Christraper said:<< id prefer not to look like a walk-in from Quest For Fire whenever i take off my clothes


HAHAHA....thats awesome.
I only mentioned the trimmers because I was looking out for ya. Don't want you walking around with deflated nuts, you know!



toggletoggle post by Christraper at Dec 7,2004 4:00pm
ram_girl said:
Don't want you walking around with deflated nuts, you know!

Indeed. Thats no way to go through life. I enjoy my nuts and use them frequently.




toggletoggle post by ram_girl  at Dec 7,2004 4:11pm
If you use them frequently, then you are a lucky man!



toggletoggle post by Christraper at Dec 7,2004 4:13pm
I suppose....its better than NOT getting laid.....



toggletoggle post by ram_girl  at Dec 7,2004 4:21pm
See, now your being optimistic.......must be those 80's power ballads!



toggletoggle post by Christraper at Dec 7,2004 4:39pm
Yea like "On Your Knees" by WASP



toggletoggle post by ram_girl  at Dec 7,2004 4:41pm
Blackie Lawless, sings it like it is!!!



toggletoggle post by BestialOnslaught  at Dec 7,2004 4:44pm
2 words... Mach 3.



toggletoggle post by Christraper at Dec 7,2004 4:47pm
im not gonna shave my balls dude. itd look too wierd. id have to shave my legs and chest and then i really would look like a girl. not gonna happen.



toggletoggle post by BestialOnslaught  at Dec 7,2004 4:48pm
Well, even with an electric razor/trimmer on the balls, you still risk cuts, so Mach 3 is really the only safe way (and even then you gotta still be delicate).



toggletoggle post by swamplorddvm  at Dec 7,2004 4:50pm
Hey man, I trim down there.



toggletoggle post by ram_girl  at Dec 7,2004 5:12pm
swamplorddvm said:
Hey man, I trim down there.


Which do you prefer the airstrip or the triangle when you trim?




toggletoggle post by swamplorddvm  at Dec 7,2004 5:13pm
I have a heart shape. It's pretty.



toggletoggle post by josiah_the_black  at Dec 7,2004 5:47pm
whats pubes?



toggletoggle post by pisscup at Dec 7,2004 6:09pm
No you have me wondering if I should be doing a bit of trimming myself. I need a mirror.



toggletoggle post by nick   at Dec 7,2004 8:12pm
if i cut my bag open i would drop out of college.



toggletoggle post by Robdeadskin  at Dec 7,2004 9:32pm
your life is almost no different than mine...did you ever see my threads on my countless insanity??



toggletoggle post by eddie  at Feb 19,2006 2:41pm
its been two year, i think this thread should come back



toggletoggle post by the_reverend   at Feb 19,2006 3:04pm
yeah, I love this story.



toggletoggle post by CNV at Feb 19,2006 3:16pm
Man, this thread is making me want to call people and tell them they have to come down to the station for sexual harassment charges

hehe



toggletoggle post by christraper at Feb 19,2006 7:02pm
ive managed to be more careful these days



toggletoggle post by pam   at Feb 19,2006 7:38pm
I just figured out this was two years old, I was about to call Jay and tell him it was me that was pressing charges.




toggletoggle post by DJ Death at Feb 19,2006 8:35pm
Be a man, shave all of it off! Pubic hair is gay.



toggletoggle post by Ryan_M at Feb 19,2006 9:36pm
DJ Death said:
Pubic hair is gay.


hahaha words of wisdom dude, words of wisdom




toggletoggle post by christraper at Feb 19,2006 10:01pm
DJ Death said:
Be a man, shave all of it off! Pubic hair is gay.


dude if i had that much trouble trimming it imagine what id do if i tried to shave it




toggletoggle post by the_reverend   at Feb 19,2006 10:12pm
and that's the day when christrapper is renamed
chris one ball trapper.



toggletoggle post by christraper at Feb 19,2006 10:16pm
hell yea



toggletoggle post by GodlessRob at Feb 19,2006 10:23pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA
I cut my shit with some electric clippers one time ARARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!



toggletoggle post by NickReddy   at Feb 20,2006 12:42am
i dreamt i shaved a giant exclamation point into my back hair. then thought about chickchickchick pubes.



Enter a Quick Response (advanced response>>)
Username: (enter in a fake name if you want, login, or new user)SPAM Filter: re-type this (values are 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D,E, or F)
Message:  b i u  add: url  image  video(?)show icons
remember:slacker tracker is watching
[default homepage] [print][3:37:00pm Mar 28,2024
load time 0.03482 secs/12 queries]
[search][refresh page]