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returntothepit >> discuss >> Funny George Bush jokes... by JayTUS on Oct 25,2004 11:36am
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toggletoggle post by JayTUS   at Oct 25,2004 11:36am
Sorry if these have been posted before...

A lobbyist, on his way home from work in Washington, D.C., came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems worse than usual." He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolled down his window and asked, "Officer, what's the hold-up?"

The officer replied, "The President is depressed, so he stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with gasoline and set himself on fire. He says no one believes his stories about why we went to war in Iraq, or the connection between Saddam and al-Qaeda, or that his tax cuts will help anyone except his wealthy friends. So we're taking up a collection for him."

The lobbyist asks, "How much have you got so far?"

The officer replies, "About four gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning."

______________

A guy walks in and asks the bartender, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"

The bartender says, "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WWIII."

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits."

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?"

Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smartass! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

____________

Before the inauguration, George W. was invited to a 'get acquainted' tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked President Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. He was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal! That afternoon, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the urinal.

"Just think," he said, "when I am President, I'll have my own personal gold urinal!"

Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.

That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, "Well, I found out who peed in your saxophone."

________

Cheney gets a call from his "boss", George. "I've got a problem," says George.

"What's the matter?" asks Cheney.

"Well, you told me to keep busy in the Oval Office, so, I got a jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."

"What's it a picture of?" asks Cheney.

"A big rooster," replies George.

"All right," sighs Cheney, "I'll come over and have a look." So he leaves his office and heads over to the Oval Office. George points at the jigsaw on his desk. Cheney looks at the desk and then turns to George and says, "For crying out loud, Georgie - put the corn flakes back in the box."

______________

OSAMA WRITES TO GEORGE W.

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive,"

Osama himself decided to send George W. a letter in his own

handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message:

370HSSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Colin Powell.

Colin and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it so it went to the CIA, and then to the NSA,

then to the Secret Service.

With no clue as to it's meaning, they eventually asked Canada's RCMP

(Royal Canadian Mounted Police) for help.

The RCMP cabled the White House as follows:

"Tell the President he is looking at the message upside down"



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